Letter of Introduction (posted January 20)
Hey, Cole-
I’ve put a lot of thought into what I wanted to say in this intro letter. Of course, the putting it down in words is always the fun part (fun, that is, with a touch of not-fun-at-all-as-that’s-the-struggle-of-the-writer-type sarcasm intended). And so I give you…
At Drake, I’m on the books for writing, philosophy, and neuroscience. Weird combo, right? It gets better. I love technical essays and poetry. The tie that binds is that language fascinates me. I’ve attempted/am attempting to study language from every possible angle. Thus far, I’ve dabbled in the evolution, history, theory, structure (or lack thereof), aesthetic (or lack thereof), and practice of—whether written, spoken, gestured, telepathized (seemirror neurons and/or the Buddhist notion of compassion), whatever—language. Now in my junior year, I’m transitioning more to the logic, science, and teaching of language. I plan to pursue a PhD in computational neuroscience, with which I hope to remain forever in academia, and forever studying and teaching and writing about language. Here’s a secret: these are all just pieces of my grand-master plan to learn so as to manipulate.
Wait a minute… I just realized that that sounded like I was planning on manipulating YOU. No. Rather, I’d strive for nothing more than that what I’ve learned of language might assist you in going on to further manipulate IT. Or, so that you might manipulate others with your manipulation of language, if you choose, of course. Either way. Or, both. It’s all a part of the game.
And it’s fun to play (or at least I think so). The writing game, I mean. Actually, it’s been a hoot for me to the degree that I’ve presented my essays at both undergraduate and graduate conferences, and my poetry has been published both online and in print. I’ve got to believe that I’ve either acceptably manipulated the language within the respective structures, or that whatever it is that I did with the language passably manipulated the judging readers into taking to my works, or both—to me, this is what writers do! Not that I’m trying to brag (ok, maybe a little). It’s just that I believe wholeheartedly that language manipulation (or the manipulation of others through language, whichev), despite how dirty I’ve here made it sound, is a respectable business. And so must you. I look forward to having you as a colleague!
At the same time—and I have to admit this above all else—putting my work out there to be critiqued is entirely intimidating. On your willingness to subject your work to my responses/rantings: much props. And: most respect. I only hope not to disappoint.
Can’t wait to check out your writing on “Reflections on Topic of Inquiry,” and to meet you on the 30th! Until then…
Peace-
Jeff
_
Jeff-
It is very nice to meet you! I can definitely relate to you about the difficulty of applying what you think into words. Putting it down in words must be the toughest part of writing!
Currently, I am a Junior at Roosevelt High School and taking the AP Lang course offered by Mr. Johnson and Ms. Lang at Roosevelt. I am a kid who is interested and involved in athletics. I enjoy playing baseball and basketball (baseball being my best sport). I love the outdoors and spending time with my family. Most kids do not know this about me, but I love to fish and just hang out in the summer as I enjoy the break from school. I seem to always keep myself busy, often times by procrastinating, as you have already seen signs of... Hopefully you will not see any other signs of my procrastination this semester. One other thing is that on much of my free time during the warmer months, I mow lawns around the neighborhood with my brother. We have our own lawn service with about ten lawns. I consider this my job.
What you are doing at Drake sounds awfully complicated. It must be a lot of work to take on that combo of study and work load! Writing does not have my interest for the future. I think I am more into studying the sciences than going into writing when it comes my time to go to college. Its something about the way things work including nature and the human body that interest me. I have always viewed myself as a decent writer, but I think I am better at mathematics and science.
Last semester, I learned that I am not a great analyzer of literacy and that my diction and structure could use some (a lot) of improvement. I look forward to trying new things this semester, including this week exchange with all of you Drake students.
Thank you Jeff,
Cole
_ Personal Reflection on Topic of Inquiry(posted RHS January 27 -- 171 January 29)
Decision making rules our lives every day. All that we do in life are based on the choices that we make on the daily. These decisions shape who we are today. A person makes thousands of decisions during the course of a day, although they probably do not even notice. Most of these decisions are small decisions, and the major decisions are the decisions that highlight our lives.
Sometimes, I think "what if I did/didn't do this... what would my life be like today?" When I think of the 'big' decisions that I have made so far in my life, I often think about decisions that apply to my academics, job, sports, and my social life. When I was younger, I thought life revolved around sports, just as most kids of the same interests thought. I chose to involve myself with these sports through organized leagues (with the assistance of my parents, of course) or playing in the back yard with friends. These were decisions early in my life that influenced my interest in athletics. Some more recent decisions have been which sports to play in high school, and which ones to put most of my time towards. Another time when my choices have been and are being challenged are trying to decide what I would like to do as a career in the future. This has already affected me through most of high school, because I have chosen many classes that will help to prepare me for the college courses. There are obviously many decisions that come with a job, especially if you work for yourself. Last spring, I invested in a larger mower to assist the time management of mowing ten lawns. My next major decision must be which college I choose to attend. I want to go somewhere that offers a great pre-medicine program, and where I can play baseball (probably an instate DIII school).
I look at decisions a fork in a trail, and I choose the route that will give me the best chance of my destination in life. I learn a lot through the decisions that I make, as they have a huge influence on my life. I am sure most people can relate to my view of decision making. What decisions have shaped your life? What would your life be like if you followed a different path of the trail?
_
Decision making rules our lives every day. Indeed! Great idea to start things off with something to which everyone can relate. All that we do in life are based on the choices that we make on the daily. These decisions shape who we are today. A person makes thousands of decisions during the course of a day, although they probably do not even notice. Most of these decisions are small decisions, and the major decisions are the decisions that highlight our lives. I like that you've separated smaller decisions from larger ones. Perhaps some examples of each would help the reader to understand where it is that you've drawn the line between them. Or, are there also small decisions that make large impacts on human lives? Are you most concerned with the size of the decision or the size of the impact?
Sometimes, I think "what if I did/didn't do this... what would my life be like today?" You cover well the things you did do that have shaped your life, but I'd be really interested to see what/who you believe you would be if you had decided to not do those things. When I think of the 'big' decisions that I have made so far in my life, I often think about decisions that apply to my academics, job, sports, and my social life. Good! Your reader knows exactly the types of decisions you'll be discussing. [[When I was younger, I thought life revolved around sports, just as most kids of the same interests thought. I chose to involve myself with these sports through organized leagues (with the assistance of my parents, of course) or playing in the back yard with friends. These were decisions early in my life that influenced my interest in athletics.]]---> Is this something like: Decision Period #1?[[Some more recent decisions have been which sports to play in high school, and which ones to put most of my time towards.]]---> Decision Period #2? [[Another time when my choices have been and are being challenged are trying to decide what I would like to do as a career in the future. This has already affected me through most of high school, because I have chosen many classes that will help to prepare me for the college courses.]]---> Decision Period #3? There are obviously many decisions that come with a job, especially if you work for yourself. Last spring, I invested in a larger mower to assist the time management of mowing ten lawns.---> YES! Decisions affect other decisions. This is a very interesting point that you may wish to explore further. Are there ways in which these "Decision Periods" all have something to do with one another? My next major decision must be which college I choose to attend. I want to go somewhere that offers a great pre-medicine program, and where I can play baseball (probably an instate DIII school). I like that you've included here decisions you've yet to decide upon. Tricky, tricky. This is a really cool line of thought that could be blown wide open. How do past decisions lead us to make future ones? And, why is it that we tend to look backward at our past decisions when we're contemplating how to move forward on future decisions?
I look at decisions a fork in a trail, and I choose the route that will give me the best chance of my destination in life. Your above paragraph does lend itself to the interpretation that a person chooses a destination, and then goes on to make choices so as to reach that destination. Are there ways in which the choices humans make also bring them to their current destinations, whether or not they were seeking to reach that destination? I learn a lot through the decisions that I make, as they have a huge influence on my life. I am sure most people can relate to my view of decision making. Don't be afraid to tell the reader to what it is they are to relate. This would be a fitting spot to sum up to the reader what your view of decision making is. What decisions have shaped your life? What would your life be like if you followed a different path of the trail? (I shutter to think about this about my own life, heh.)
I take your main point(s) to be that decisions come in/can be arranged in hierarchical and sequential patterns. I really enjoy the way your piece not only discusses these patterns, but is also structured in this very same way. That's high-level stuff! Very impressive! (Many of the philosophers I read can't even pull that off!) Are there ways you could accentuate this strategy even more? Such as, are there sequences of smaller decisions that combine to play a role in the sequence of larger decisions? And, how do the larger decisions make a difference in the types of smaller decisions that come up in day-to-day life? This is a really good entry into the topic of "defining self." I can't wait to see what you do with it from here!
_ Rough Draft Definition (posted RHS February 3 -- 171 February 5)
Our everyday lives are impacted by our decisions. According to dictionary.com, a decision is the act of making up one's mind. It is the selection between possible actions. Decisions are made on a daily basis by everyone. We are probably making decisions by the second. They shape the way we were, are, or who we will become. They are constant and never ending. Similar to decisions are choices. They are nearly the same concept. A choice is known as selectiong between two or more objects or possibilities. Making decisions involves choosing, but a decision is less broad than a choice. A choice is a selection without much thought, but a decision is a final choice with the use of best judgement.
Making the right decision is based on an opinion, because each choice has a different effect on one's life - whether your decision is "right" depends on which path you would like to take in life. The only bad decisions are those that will affect one's life in a negative way. The right decisions pave the way for life, but bad or wrong decisions are set backs. For example, breaking the law could a set back, because you may earn charges on your personal record, or find yourself in a jail cell. This could have a major affect on finding jobs, and possibly harm other opportunies including reasonable insurance rates (maybe?), for example.
(I still have a lot of commentary and such to insert which has not yet come to me, and I must find a way to tie it up)
_
Our everyday lives are impacted by our decisions. According to dictionary.com, <==(decision is a common enough word that you probably don't need a source here) a decision is the act of making up one's mind. It is the selection between possible actions. <==(Try combining the previous two sentences in your own words. It'll be a lot more impactful -- and relatable -- if the definition comes from you.) Decisions are made on a daily basis by everyone. We are probably making decisions by the second. <==(This might be a good place to have a source. The word "probably" sounds unsure, whereas statistical, scientific, etc. data would give this sentence concreteness. Plus, a fact would make this statement more concrete for your reader.) They shape the way we were, are, or who we will become. <==(YES!!! Excellent point! Past, present, future. This sentence feels like your thesis.)They are constant and never ending. Similar to decisions are choices. They are nearly the same concept.<==(But not identical, right? You go on to separate them, but you don't want to sound like you start out contradicting yourself.) ... (There's no prob with letting your reader know what it is that you're about to do.)==>A choice is known as selection between two or more objects or possibilities. Making decisions involves choosing, but a decision is less broad than a choice. A choice is a selection without much thought, but a decision is a final choice with the use of best judgement.<==(I like the distinction you've made between "decisions" and "choices" in these underlined sentences. Very interesting! Could this be expanded upon so that it was its own paragraph [or paragraphs]?)
Making the right decision is based on an opinion, because each choice(Wait... is this the same "choice" that you were talking about above? I'm confused here if you're blending the two terms, or not. Or, are you now talking about "decisions" only?) has a different effect on one's life - whether your decision is "right" depends on which path you would like to take in life. The only bad decisions are those that will affect one's life in a negative way. The right decisions pave the way for life, but bad or wrong decisions are set backs. <==(It's probably just due to my philosophical background, but I find that drawing oppositions with the terms "right" v "wrong" and "good" v "bad" is always tricky. "Right" and "wrong" suggest correctness, and makes me think that life might be like a T/F quiz, where at each point I have a 50% chance of acing it as well as a 50% chance of failing. Is that what you're getting at? "Good" and "bad" are more relative terms, but are quite watery in their own "definitions." Isn't defining them where you head next...?) For example, breaking the law could a set back, because you may earn charges on your personal record, or find yourself in a jail cell. This could have a major affect on finding jobs, and possibly harm other opportunies including reasonable insurance rates (maybe?), for example. ,<==(Awesome examples! And, definitely on the insurance rates [DUI's]! This might be another good place for some outside information. Even if you don't want to cite sources here, there are common enough examples [like DUI's] that could help to get your reader thinking about the consequences of their own decisions. At the same time, could this be a place to talk about the relativity of those terms "good" and "bad"? Consider Malcom X, whose life was changed for the better after having been in prison, or Gandhi, who purposely got himself thrown in jail to better the lives of other people, for example.)
Hey, Cole-
You and I share in common the writerly habit of organizing and structuring our positions. So, of course I'm going to appreciate that about your writing! In that way, you've got you're position firmly established in this draft, so great job with the tough part! Is there a way that in your revision the same organization and structure could come across in the words on the page -- the easy part? This should assist you where you had mentioned that you were looking to tie things up. You might try first isolating your main points (I understand them to be: the definition of decision, the meaning of decision [that they shape us], the difference between decision and "choice," what makes a decision one that a person should/shouldn't make), and working each of them individually till they say what you want them to say. Then, once you have fully developed each separate point, do you find a commonality between them? This should help with transitioning between the various points, as well as in creating a concluding paragraph that really drives home these points to your reader. Other than that, great start! I especially look forward to seeing the sorts of commentary you come up with for the revision. Best of luck!
-Jeff
_ Revision Definition (posted RHS February 10 -- 171 February 12 ) Identification
Term: Decision
Class: perception or thought process
Characteristics: impact lives, occur on daily basis, there are bad and good decisions
exigence:"A decision is a final choice with the use of best judgement"
Negation: none
misconception: NONE
source: dictionary.com... need 4 more
Our everyday lives are impacted by our decisions. Many dictionary sources relate to the definition of a decision as a judgment or making up of one's mind - a selection between possible choices or actions. Decisions are made on a daily basis by everyone. We are probably[note to self: fix this with statistic] making decisions by the second. They shape the way we were, are, or who we will become. They are constant and never ending. Similar to decisions are choices, because they are nearly the same concept. The terms decision and choice could mostly likely be used interchangably without confusing anyone. A choice is known as selecting between two or more objects or possibilities. Making decisions involves choosing, but a decision is less broad than a choice. A choice is a selection without much thought, but a decision is a final choice with the use of best judgment.
I asked a friend to define decision and what it meant to him. He defined decision as, "To do something or not do something, and choosing what is best for yourself". For asking him to wing-it on the definition, I agree with his idea of a decision. In my life, I have made academic decisions, some good and some bad. A good academic decision which I have made is taking the challenging courses which I scheduled for myself in order to gain more knowledge in the field I would like to study in and hopefully make my college education easier on myself. Bad academic decisions that I have made would be using poor study habbits, and procrastinating on projects and homework, such as this particular assignment of writing and revising an extended definition essay. These are only two examples of multiple bad and good academic decisions I have made in my life.
Making the right decision is based on an opinion, because each decision has a different effect on one's life - whether your decision is good or bad depends on which path you would like to take in life. The only bad decisions are those that will affect one's life in a negative way or take you down the undesired path on your trail of life. Good decisions pave the way for your desired life, but bad or wrong decisions are setbacks or long detours on your trail of life. For example, breaking the law could be a setback, because you may earn charges on your personal record, or find yourself in a jail cell. This could have a major affect on finding jobs, and possibly harm other opportunities including reasonable insurance rates. For example, if you were to get in multiple accidents, violate traffic laws, or especially get a DUI, your insurance rates will sky rocket. All of these you may control with the decisions that you make, except for the accidents, if they are not your fault. You may prevent an accident from occurring by doing several things – do not use electronic devices, such as iPods or cell phones, and do not violate traffic laws for your own safety. One decision that is definitely in your control is the decision to drink alcohol, or use any stimulant or intoxicator. Use of these substances is the first unwise decision, and the second unwise decision would be to drive under the influence of these substances. A person that does this puts themselves, and more importantly, others at risk of danger when they do this. Besides, you could be pulled over, arrested, and charged with driving under the influence, also known as a DUI.
[note to self: need misconceptions, negations, more sources (image, and article(s)?), and expand definitions in certain areas] _
Identification
Term: Decision
Class: perception or thought process(What process does one go through in making a decision?)
Characteristics: impact lives, occur on daily basis, there are bad and good decisions (Besides the word "decision," what brings these characteristics together?)
exigence:"A decision is a final choice with the use of best judgement"
Negation: none
misconception: NONE
source: dictionary.com... need 4 more (Which of your points could benefit most from the use of supporting information?)
Our everyday lives are impacted by our decisions. Many dictionary sources relate to the definition of a decision as a judgment or making up of one's mind - a selection between possible choices or actions. Decisions are made on a daily basis by everyone. We are probably [note to self: fix this with statistic] making decisions by the second. They shape the way we were, are, or who we will become. They are constant and never ending. Similar to decisions are choices, because they are nearly the same concept. The terms decision and choice could mostly likely be used interchangably without confusing anyone. A choice is known as selecting between two or more objects or possibilities. Making decisions involves choosing, but a decision is less broad than a choice. A choice is a selection without much thought, but a decision is a final choice with the use of best judgment. (How does "decision" and "choice" being interchangeable connect to the definition, universality, and effect of decisions? Is this interchangeability part of your overall point?)
I asked a friend to define decision and what it meant to him. He defined decision as, "To do something or not do something, and choosing what is best for yourself". For asking him to wing-it on the definition, I agree with his idea of a decision. (Great idea to the include peer commentary. I get that you agree with him. But, how, specifically, does his comment tie into the "good" and "bad" decisions you give as examples from your own life?) In my life, I have made academic decisions, some good and some bad. A good academic decision which I have made is taking the challenging courses which I scheduled for myself in order to gain more knowledge in the field I would like to study in and hopefully make my college education easier on myself. Bad academic decisions that I have made would be using poor study habbits, and procrastinating on projects and homework, such as this particular assignment of writing and revising an extended definition essay. These are only two examples of multiple bad and good academic decisions I have made in my life. (And they're impactful examples, especially since your reader gets to discover more about "decisions" from hearing about yours. However, this paragraph seems separated from the other two, perhaps because we're hearing directly from you for the first and last time. What sort of writerly voice/tone and readerly distance do you want this paper to have?)
Making the right decision is based on an opinion, because each decision has a different effect on one's life - whether your decision is good or bad depends on which path you would like to take in life. The only bad decisions are those that will affect one's life in a negative way or take you down the undesired path on your trail of life. Good decisions pave the way for your desired life, but bad or wrong decisions are setbacks or long detours on your trail of life. For example, breaking the law could be a setback, because you may earn charges on your personal record, or find yourself in a jail cell. This could have a major affect on finding jobs, and possibly harm other opportunities including reasonable insurance rates. For example, if you were to get in multiple accidents, violate traffic laws, or especially get a DUI, your insurance rates will sky rocket. All of these you may control with the decisions that you make, except for the accidents, if they arenot your fault. (Negation?) You may prevent an accident from occurring by doing several things – do not use electronic devices, such as iPods or cell phones, and do not violate traffic laws for your own safety. One decision that is definitely in your control is the decision to drink alcohol, or use any stimulant or intoxicator. Use of these substances is the first unwise decision, and the second unwise decision would be to drive under the influence of these substances. A person that does this puts themselves, and more importantly, others at risk of danger when they do this. Besides, you could be pulled over, arrested, and charged with driving under the influence, also known as a DUI.(Excellent examples! You give a range of behaviors, from those that most everyone does [use cell phones] to those that many people would never consider doing [drinking and driving]. You only briefly mention "good" decisions, so does this mean that a major focus of your paper is these sorts of "bad" decisions?)
[note to self: need misconceptions, negations, more sources (image, and article(s)?), and expand definitions in certain areas]
Hey Cole-
On this revision I really get the sense of you honing in on both the topic of "decisions," as well as your position on that topic. You've included here a number of concrete examples and details that make your piece much more 'real' for your reader. Nice work! Also, your editor notes give me a good idea of what you have left to include in your final version of this paper. Plus, they're just helpful in keeping in mind where you want to go with a piece, so it's a good habit to get into (a good "decision"!). Since you have a planned direction, and since on the rough draft I commented most on areas of expansion, this time I've tried to focus on areas that might be refined. Most of what I've noted has to do with connecting the dots... You've presented several strong points. What connects one point to the next? What connects all of the points together? Details about these connections should help to make your points even stronger, which should ultimately have the same affect on the piece, as a whole. I look forward to reading your final paper, and to talking with you more later today (only 12 hours from now?!?!) See you then.
-Jeff
_ Final Definition (posted RHS February 17 -- 171 February 19 )
Our everyday lives are impacted by our decisions. Many dictionary sources relate to the definition of a decision as a judgment or making up of one's mind - a selection between possible choices or actions. Decisions are made on a daily basis by everyone. We are making small decisions by the second or possibly by the split second. Some of these decisions are ones that we don’t even think about, and they often pertain to our thoughts or movements. Blinking, placement our feet or hands, and any slight movement are small decisions that our brains simply make in response to a certain stimulant. I could not find the stats on decisions, but I can’t imagine how tough it would be to track this, as they occur extremely fast. All decisions shape the way we were, are, or who we will become, but the major decisions, the ones that we are always thinking about, are the decisions that have the largest effect on our lives. They are constant and never ending.
Similar to decisions are choices, because they are nearly the same concept. The terms decision and choice could mostly likely be used interchangeably without confusing anyone. A choice is known as selecting between two or more objects or possibilities. Making decisions involves choosing, but a decision is less broad than a choice. One difference between a choice and a decision is that a choice is a selection without much thought, but a decision is a final choice with the use of best judgment. Choices may also be perceived as the building blocks of a decision – the choices could be considered the different options or paths on a trail of life. In figure 1, right, is the trail of life. The arrows represent the options and choices the person can make in life in this part of their life (trail representing the person’s life). The person in the image is deciding which path to take in his life. The one path that he finally takes will be known as his decision. There is no turning back after a decision is made, which explains why decisions are highly valued.
I asked a friend to define decision and what it meant to him. He defined decision as, "To do something or not do something, and choosing what is best for yourself". For asking him to wing-it on the definition, I agree with his idea of a decision. In my life, I have made academic decisions, some good and some bad. A good academic decision which I have made is taking the challenging courses which I scheduled for myself in order to gain more knowledge in the field I would like to study in and hopefully make my college education easier on myself. Bad academic decisions that I have made would be using poor study habits, and procrastinating on projects and homework, such as this particular assignment of writing and revising an extended definition essay. These are only two examples of multiple bad and good academic decisions I have made in my life.
Making the right decision is based on an opinion, because each decision has a different effect on one's life - whether your decision is good or bad depends on which path you would like to take in life. The only bad decisions are those that will affect one's life in a negative way or take you down the undesired path on your trail of life. Good decisions pave the way for your desired life, but bad or wrong decisions are setbacks or long detours on your trail of life. For example, breaking the law could be a setback, because you may earn charges on your personal record, or find yourself in a jail cell. This could have a major affect on finding jobs, and possibly harm other opportunities including reasonable insurance rates. For example, if you were to get in multiple accidents, violate traffic laws, or especially get a DUI, your insurance rates will sky rocket. All of these you may control with the decisions that you make, except for the accidents, if they are not your fault. You may prevent an accident from occurring by doing several things – do not use electronic devices, such as iPods or cell phones, and do not violate traffic laws for your own safety. One decision that is definitely in your control is the decision to drink alcohol, or use any stimulant or intoxicator. Use of these substances is the first unwise decision, and the second unwise decision would be to drive under the influence of these substances. A person that does this puts themselves, and more importantly, others at risk of danger when they do this. Besides, you could be pulled over, arrested, and charged with driving under the influence, also known as a DUI.
_
Our everyday lives are impacted by our decisions. Many dictionary sources relate to the definition of a decision as a judgment or making up of one's mind - a selection between possible choices or actions. Decisions are made on a daily basis by everyone. We are making small decisions by the second or possibly by the split second. Some of these decisions are ones that we don’t even think about, and they often pertain to our thoughts or movements. Blinking, placement our feet or hands, and any slight movement are small decisions that our brains simply make in response to a certain stimulant. I could not find the stats on decisions, (How does the lack of statistics advance your argument?) but I can’t imagine how tough it would be to track this, as they occur extremely fast. All decisions shape the way we were, are, or who we will become, but the major decisions, the ones that we are always thinking about, are the decisions that have the largest effect on our lives. They are constant and never ending. (This open just keeps getting better and better, and has a lot of great discussion. Which part is the focus of your paper? Which part connects to all the other parts?)
(This image really helps to illustrate your discussion of how there are two or more options. It'd be nice if the image were directly in the document. Perhaps try saving image as, and then dragging or copy/pasting the image over to your word doc.)
Similar to decisions are choices, because they are nearly the same concept. The terms decision and choice could mostly likely be used interchangeably without confusing anyone. A choice is known as selecting between two or more objects or possibilities. Making decisions involves choosing, but a decision is less broad than a choice. One difference between a choice and a decision is that a choice is a selection without much thought, but a decision is a final choice with the use of best judgment. Choices may also be perceived as the building blocks of a decision – the choices could be considered the different options or paths on a trail of life. In figure 1, right, (Maybe wiki is messing with your formatting, so I'm kinda guessing here... Is "right" supposed to mean, to the right of the text? If so, consider placing Figure 1 after the paragraph in which you refer to it, and sizing it so that it's on the same page as your mention of it.) is the trail of life. The arrows represent the options and choices the person can make in life in this part of their life (trail representing the person’s life). The person in the image is deciding which path to take in his life. The one path that he finally takes will be known as his decision. There is no turning back after a decision is made, which explains why decisions are highly valued. (Very important point! How does this tie into your overall aims of the paper?)
I asked a friend to define decision and what it meant to him. He defined decision as, "To do something or not do something, and choosing what is best for yourself". For asking him to wing-it on the definition, I agree with his idea of a decision. In my life, I have made academic decisions, some good and some bad. A good academic decision which I have made is taking the challenging courses which I scheduled for myself in order to gain more knowledge in the field I would like to study in and hopefully make my college education easier on myself. (This single sentence discusses both decisions and outcomes.)Bad academic decisions that I have made would be using poor study habits, and procrastinating on projects and homework, such as this particular assignment of writing and revising an extended definition essay.(This sentence discusses decisions only. As a reader, I'm wondering: do you not want to address the outcomes of your own "bad" decisions?) These are only two examples of multiple bad and good academic decisions I have made in my life.
Making the right decision is based on an opinion, because each decision has a different effect on one's life - whether your decision is good or bad depends on which path you would like to take in life. The only bad decisions are those that will affect one's life in a negative way or take you down the undesired path on your trail of life. Good decisions pave the way for your desired life, but bad or wrong decisions are setbacks or long detours on your trail of life. For example, breaking the law could be a setback, because you may earn charges on your personal record, or find yourself in a jail cell. This could have a major affect on finding jobs, and possibly harm other opportunities including reasonable insurance rates. For example, if you were to get in multiple accidents, violate traffic laws, or especially get a DUI, your insurance rates will sky rocket. All of these you may control with the decisions that you make, except for the accidents, if they are not your fault. You may prevent an accident from occurring by doing several things – do not use electronic devices, such as iPods or cell phones, and do not violate traffic laws for your own safety. One decision that is definitely in your control is the decision to drink alcohol, or use any stimulant or intoxicator. Use of these substances is the first unwise decision, and the second unwise decision would be to drive under the influence of these substances. A person that does this puts themselves, and more importantly, others at risk of danger when they do this. Besides, you could be pulled over, arrested, and charged with driving under the influence, also known as a DUI. (There's a lot going on here. Things connect, differ, and overlap. But, how does one connect to the next? How do they differ? How do they overlap? If these aspects were taken apart, it might be more clear as to the ways in which they come together.)
Hey Cole-
First off, wow! This version is so much more developed than the original (check out one compared to the next and see what I mean). Nice work! I'm seeing the points you've kept constant and have continued to expand upon as being: what defines a decision, what goes into a decision, examples of your decisions, examples of bad decisions. I've made a couple comments on those points for you to consider for your final. The thing I can't really speak to in these comments is where it is that they might be heading. What is it that readers are to take away from the piece? Why have you made all of these excellent points? What do you want to say? I always try to concentrate on these questions when working on final final versions. (I feel robbed in that you guys aren't posting those!) Good luck!
-Jeff
_ Cole Maharry RIVISED FINAL FOR MS. LANGE (sorry for the formatting confusion - I copied and pasted from word) Mr. Johnson & Ms. Lange AP Lang 20 February 2012 The Power of a Decision Our everyday lives are impacted by our decisions. Many dictionary sources relate to the definition of a decision as a judgment or making up of one's mind - a selection between possible choices or actions. Decisions are made on a daily basis by everyone. We are making small decisions by the second or possibly by the split second. Some of these decisions are ones that we don’t even think about, and they often pertain to our thoughts or movements. Blinking, placement our feet or hands, and any slight movement are small decisions that our brains simply make in response to a certain stimulant. I could not find the stats on decisions, but I can’t imagine how tough it would be to track this, as they occur extremely fast. All decisions shape the way we were, are, or who we will become, but the major decisions, the ones that we are always thinking about, are the decisions that have the largest effect on our lives. They are constant and never ending. Similar to decisions are choices, because they are nearly the same concept. The terms decision and choice could mostly likely be used interchangeably without confusing anyone. A choice is known as selecting between two or more objects or possibilities. Making decisions involves choosing, but a decision is less broad than a choice. One difference between a choice and a decision is that a choice is a selection without much thought, but a decision is a final choice with the use of best judgment. Choices may also be perceived as the building blocks of a decision – the choices could be considered the different options or paths on a trail of life. In figure 1, right, is the trail of life. The arrows represent the options and choices the person can make in life in this part of their life (trail representing the person’s life). The person in the image is deciding which path to take in his life. The one path that he finally takes will be known as his decision. There is no
turning back after a decision is made, which explains why decisions are highly valued.
I asked a friend to define decision and what it meant to him. He defined decision as, "To do something or not do something, and choosing what is best for yourself". For asking him to wing-it on the definition, I agree with his idea of a decision. A decision that is ‘best for yourself’ is a good decision which one has made that has gotten them somewhere in life. In my life, I have made academic decisions, some good and some bad. A good academic decision which I have made is taking the challenging courses which I scheduled for myself in order to gain more knowledge in the field I would like to study in. I hope this will make easier on myself. Bad academic decisions that I have made would be using poor study habits, and procrastinating on projects and homework, such as this particular assignment of writing and revising an extended definition essay. If I were to have more quality study habits, I would score much higher on tests. If I were to not procrastinate, more assignments would be completed on time, and the quality of my work would increase immensely. These are only a few examples of many bad and good academic decisions I have made in my life. Making the right decision is based on an opinion, because each decision has a different effect on one's life - whether your decision is good or bad depends on which path you would like to take in life. The only bad decisions are those that will affect one's life in a negative way or take you down the undesired path on your trail of life. Good decisions pave the way for your desired life, but bad or wrong decisions are setbacks or long detours on your trail of life. A way of creating a detour in your life could be breaking the law, because you may earn charges on your personal record, or find yourself in a jail cell. This could have a major affect on finding jobs, and possibly harm other opportunities including reasonable insurance rates. For example, if you were to get in multiple accidents, violate traffic laws, or especially get a DUI, your insurance rates will sky rocket. All of these you may control with the decisions that you make, except for the accidents, if they are not your fault. You may prevent an accident from occurring by doing several things – do not use electronic devices, such as iPods or cell phones, and do not violate traffic laws for your own safety. The events that led up to a car accident that is not your fault as the driver could be an examples of a negation to a decision, because you did would not have control of the situation. One decision that is definitely in your control is the decision to drink alcohol, or use any stimulant or intoxicator. Use of these substances is the first unwise decision, and the second unwise decision would be to drive under the influence of these substances. A person that does this puts themselves, and more importantly, others at risk of danger when they do this. Besides, you could be pulled over, arrested, and charged with driving under the influence, also known as a DUI. I, as well as many others have made the poor mistake of driving faster than the speed limit. This is the only bad decision that I have been caught in the act and punished for by the law department. The never to forget moment is the sight of the officer’s lights in my rearview mirror – it must be one of the scariest moments of my life so far. In contrast to few people, I learned my lesson on the roads, which comes to show that being pulled over and ticketed has changed part of my life. I was extremely fortunate that this bad decision of mine did not affect my insurance rate as most tickets for speeding do. Each bad or good, big or small decision has impacted our lives and shaped who we were, are, and will be in the near and far future. As you must know by now, I have made and will continue to make many decisions that have and will make me who I am. The writer of Decisions – the element that powers your Success says, “Anyone has the ability to take powerful decisions that can affect one’s life.” (http://www.insightzonecoach.com/blog/what-is-life-coaching/decisions-the-element-that-powers-your-success). What decisions have shaped your life? What would your life be like if you followed a different path of the trail? Reflection #1 (posted RHS February 20 -- 171 February 22)
The purpose of the writing was to grasp the idea of a definition essay, and to learn how to expand in certain areas of the writing. With the expansion, we were to learn how to support what we say with explanations and examples in order to give our claims more value. I believe I successfully met the purpose because I expanded on topics and gave very good explanations and examples.
(I agree. And, your expansion expanded with each revision!)
My audience for my writing was intended for the daily reader, and average person. It was to inform them further based on their understanding of decisions. The examples that I gave are examples that are very reasonable and understandable - ones that the reader may have already experienced, experiencing, or going to experience.
(Yes, your strategy of making the discussions reasonable and understandable assists in your writing being relatable to the reader...)
the exigence is that "All decisions shape the way we were, are, or who we will become." I figured that since decisions occur all the time (...instead of just) that everyone could relate to it and that I could expand on it pretty well. I was correct, but I didn't see through how difficult of a topic this would be.
(So, what was the most difficult part? The topic in itself? Writing about this particular topic? If you knew then what you know now, would you have made a different "decision"? [sorry, I had to...].)
My explanations and examples tie well into the message, and are very easy to relate to.
My persona is the average everyday person. The examples which I used creates a tone that proves that I am not perfect and infact a normal person that makes bad as well as good decisions in life.
(For sure. If you've found a persona that you like to use in your writing, what aspects of your writing bring out that persona? Then, in what ways can you best highlight those aspects in your writing?)
Hey Cole-
I made a couple comments on your reflection of the definition paper that might also give you something to reflect on when thinking about the comparison paper. I look forward to checking out the draft!
-Jeff _ Rough Draft Comparison (posted RHS February 24 -- 171 February 26 )
I apologize that I did not have gotten this done, and that it is still not done. I screwed up on the schedule last week, and have been extremely busy with substate basketball the past 3 days. This will be completed tonight. once again, I am sorry for messing with your schedule and the lack of communication.
Hey Cole-
"They" probably won't appreciate me saying this, but... no one gets it more than me that life gets in the way of life. I completely understand. No worries.
-Jeff
They probably don't, but that is okay. Thank you for understanding! There was no reason for it to not be done last night other than I forgot... haha I am sure I will pay the price anyhow.
_
I am going to be honest, I have no idea what to do this comparison over... I was thinking bad decisions and good decisions, or should I go into something a little different? I did some of that in the definition paper. If I change my topic, I will want something that I will be able to tie into my argumentative paper. If you have any suggestions, please let me know!
_
I am going to be honest, I have no idea what to do this comparison over... I was thinking bad decisions and good decisions, or should I go into something a little different? I did some of that in the definition paper. If I change my topic, I will want something that I will be able to tie into my argumentative paper. If you have any suggestions, please let me know! (Whoa!!! This is the most real-to-life introduction that I've ever read! The reader is presented with the "comparisons" of choices for two related decisions, but you've delivered it in such a way that it seems as though the reader is tracing a line of thought. And, I love the last line!!! Really cool stuff!!! Plus, I think it shows thinking that's the right sort of thinking here: forward thinking while still thinking about the past. You have me sitting at the edge of my readerly seat: In what way(s) does this all apply to "decisions"?)
Hey Cole-
As you may have judged from my above notes, I feel that your writing is at its best when it's unforced. What comes to you about your topic naturally? I find that it helps to randomly write, or even record into you phone, whatever that is. Then, what naturally comes to about what had naturally came to you about your topic? Get that down, too. Then, do these pieces add up? Perhaps some of them? Maybe one of them is good? I find that selecting an answer to these questions is also best done when based on whatever comes naturally. Also, in your definitions paper, I thought it was both creative and humble that you had mentioned among your examples of decisions, "this particular assignment of writing." Perhaps it would be interesting to explore: In what way(s) does this apply to "comparisons"? Just an idea...
-Jeff
_ Revision Comparison (posted RHS March 2 -- 171 March 4)
The choices that people make daily are known as daily decisions. Sometimes these decisions are big or small, good or bad. Not only is it up to you to decide whether the decide whether the decision has a lot or a little value in your life, but it is also yours and sometimes other's opinions to decide whether a decision is a good or bad one. Good decisions suit your lifestyle and are decisions that make you happy. Bad decisions are those that have a negative altering to one's life - this could include getting in trouble, for example. Bad decisions and good decisions both affect one's life, and shape who they were, are, and will be.
Through one's academic history and future, there may be many bad decisions and good decisions, but the big ones are the decisions that have the most impact on a person. To be successful, it is important to be sure that all big decisions are good decisions and not bad decisions. Good academic decisions are started for a student at a very young age. These decisions are probably made mostly by the parents. These decisions could be reading to them or teaching them to read in the student's early childhood, or keeping the child disciplined, so they behave the best that they can in class. Behavior in the classroom is extremely important in order to become a great learner. The parents must also teach their children to take responsibility in their work, so when the student is in middle school (junior high) or high school they do not have poor responsibility habits. Once middle school rolls around, the student should start making their own academic decisions. They may start to decide how hard of a worker they want to be in class, what classes to take, whether or not to do their homework, and so on. excuse me for my screw up. I editted and inserted this paragraph, but apparently it didn't save and was saved as a draft. So here it is.
_
The choices that people make daily are known as daily decisions. Sometimes these decisions are big or small, good or bad. (Both big and small decision and good and bad decisions should allow for some interesting "comparisons.") Not only is it up to you to decide whether the decide whether the decision has a lot or a little value in your life (How do these values compare to one another? Are they completely unequal? Sometimes equal? Equal overall?), but it is also yours and sometimes other's opinions to decide whether a decision is a good or bad one. (How does a decision made by oneself compare to a decision made for one by someone else?) Good decisions suit your lifestyle and are decisions that make you happy. Bad decisions are those that have a negative altering to one's life - this could include getting in trouble, for example. (Yes, I see the comparison!) Bad decisions and good decisions both affect one's life, and shape who they were, are, and will be. (So, is that then three levels of comparison? Awesome! I can't wait to read what you do with this one!)
Hey Cole-
I see here what is sure to be an interesting paper. You've set up a number of comparisons of types of decisions (big v. small, good v. bad, free v. forced, and shapers of past v. present v. future), and still you suggest that thesesomehow also compare to one another (one's life is altered after getting in trouble, so is "big" and "bad," for instance). Cool! What examples would best represent the sorts of comparisons you've established? What makes them comparable? What other combined comparisons might arise in making decisions? What makes them comparable? Hope this helps!
-Jeff
P.S. I won't be in class on the 7th as I'll be on my way to present a paper in Hawai'i! I'll still be able to respond while I'm away, but I'll be on island time... Just so you know. that is fine. It just means that I can go to the state basketball games that afternoon :-) thanks for letting me know. have a great time in Hawaii and congrats on the paper! what an accomplishment!
_ Final Comparison (posted RHS March 9 -- 171 March 11)
I appologize for not getting this done last night... I accidentally fell asleep early, and today I kind of ran out of time, because I had to be outside and soak up this great weather we had today in Des Moines! It is only supposed to get better too... but anyways, enjoy yourself in Hawaii, and I will get my other revision done tomorrow, so you are able to do it sunday night or whenever the time zone allows you to! thanks Jeff
-Cole
_
The choices that people make daily are known as daily decisions. Sometimes these decisions are big or small, good or bad. Not only is it up to you to decide whether the decision has a lot or a little value in your life, but it is also yours and sometimes other's opinions to decide whether a decision is a good or bad one. Good decisions suit your lifestyle and are decisions that make you happy. Bad decisions are those that have a negative altering to one's life - this could include getting in trouble, for example. Bad decisions and good decisions both affect one's life, and shape who they were, are, and will be.
Through one's academic history and future, there may be many bad decisions and good decisions, but the big ones are the decisions that have the most impact on a person. To be successful, it is important to be sure that all big decisions are good decisions and not bad decisions. Good academic decisions are started for a student at a very young age. These decisions are probably made mostly by the parents. These decisions could be reading to them or teaching them to read in the student's early childhood, or keeping the child disciplined, so they behave the best that they can in class. Behavior in the classroom is extremely important in order to become a great learner. The parents must also teach their children to take responsibility in their work, so when the student is in middle school (junior high) or high school they do not have poor responsibility habits. Once middle school rolls around, the student should start making their own academic decisions. They may start to decide how hard of a worker they want to be in class, what classes to take, whether or not to do their homework, and so on.
In life, one may value objects, such as cars, houses, or money, but thinks that are really most important and valuable in life are people's ability to interact with others, and expressing great character. Succeeding in life is also highly looked upon. For many years, having great success has been known as leading the American Dream. This valuing system holds quite true when it comes to the way we value our decisions. It is not so much the decision of buying a certain car or house that is important later in life, although these are big decisions, but its the choices that form one's character that are valuable in life. _
I appologize for not getting this done last night... I accidentally fell asleep early, and today I kind of ran out of time, because I had to be outside and soak up this great weather we had today in Des Moines! It is only supposed to get better too... but anyways, enjoy yourself in Hawaii, and I will get my other revision done tomorrow, so you are able to do it sunday night or whenever the time zone allows you to! thanks Jeff
-Cole
(Thanks. Hawai’i was awesome! However, it was difficult to find reliable and/or free internet there [I ended up having to walk all the way down to a Starbucks to send/reply to my most important emails]. So sorry that I’m getting back to you days late. It’s unfair of me to put you to the last minute on your final final version of your comparisons project. Please have your teacher(s) send me a message if they need me to confirm that I’d messed with your schedule, or if they have any questions. Again, my apologies.)
_
The choices that people make daily are known as daily decisions. (I get what you’re saying here [cuz I got to read your definitions paper]. But, I’m not sure readers would see that there was a difference between daily choices and daily decisions. What does this mean in your comparison of decisions?) Sometimes these decisions are big or small, good or bad. Not only is it up to you to decide whether the decision has a lot or a little value in your life, but it is also yours and sometimes other's opinions to decide whether a decision is a good or bad one.(This sentence really sets up your paper well…) Good decisions suit your lifestyle and are decisions that make you happy. Bad decisions are those that have a negative altering to one's life - this could include getting in trouble, for example. Bad decisions and good decisions both affect one's life, and shape who they were, are, and will be.(…And so does this sentence. Your intro lets me know what I’ll need to know in order to learn what I’m about to learn. However,…)
Through one's academic history and future, there may be many bad decisions and good decisions, but the big ones are the decisions that have the most impact on a person. To be successful, it is important to be sure that all big decisions are good decisions and not bad decisions. (…since your paper focuses primarily on big, good, academic decisions, consider working some of the talk about academics from these two sentences into your intro.) Good academic decisions are started for a student at a very young age. These decisions are probably made mostly by the parents. These decisions could be reading to them or teaching them to read in the student's early childhood, or keeping the child disciplined, so they behave the best that they can in class. Behavior in the classroom is extremely important in order to become a great learner. (Which classroom behaviors make a student a great learner? Are there classroom behaviors that take away from a student’s ability to learn/quality of learning?) The parents must also teach their children to take responsibility in their work, so when the student is in middle school (junior high) or high school they do not have poor responsibility habits. Once middle school rolls around, the student should start making their own academic decisions. They may start to decide how hard of a worker they want to be in class (What would make a student a hard worker? A not-so-hard worker?), what classes to take (Does this refer to easy vs. hard classes? Fun vs. applicable? How do different classes compare? How does decisions about classes make them good or bad decisions?), whether or not to do their homework, and so on. (So, what types/weights of decisions does the student face in high school? College? Also, is this process a continual one? Is there a point at which the student makes all their own academic decisions? Or, is there a point at which the student is maxed on their ability to make their own academic decisions? You have me very interested to know!)
In life, one may value objects, such as cars, houses, or money, but thinks that are really most important and valuable in life are people's ability to interact with others, and expressing great character. Succeeding in life is also highly looked upon. For many years, having great success has been known as leading the American Dream. This valuing system holds quite true when it comes to the way we value our decisions. (Do these material, personal interaction, and personal character decisions follow from the decisions made as a student? In what ways? What makes them follow from those ways?) It is not so much the decision of buying a certain car or house that is important later in life, although these are big decisions, but its the choices that form one's character that are valuable in life.
Hey, Cole-
After reading your revision, I’m understanding that there’s a progression and importance to the academic decision making process. Your examples of parents making reading and responsibility decisions that lead to the sorts of decisions the student will make somewhat later, later, and much later in life really help me to come to that understanding. The more detailed you can make your examples, and the more of them that are present in your paper, the stronger your paper will become. But while these examples seem to sway toward positive outcomes (great learner, fancy objects, great character, success, the American Dream), I wonder, how would you compare these examples to ones that would produce more negative results? If the similarities lie in the types of decisions a student/person will face, what are the differences in the outcomes when the student/person makes those decisions? I feel like this is the main point of your paper, but it’s subtle. Unless I’m way off, you might consider for your final final version of the comparisons project: How can you make your point explicit? Additionally, what is the purpose of your point? Why do students/people/readers need to know about how comparing decisions means something to them? How is it that students/people/readers should go about comparing decisions in their own lives? I hope some of this helps. Good luck on the final final.
-Jeff
_ Cole Maharry REVISED FINAL FOR MS. LANGE Johnson/Lange AP Language and Composition 13 April 2012 The Good and the Bad The choices that people make daily are known as daily decisions. Sometimes these decisions are big or small, good or bad. Not only is it up to one to decide whether the decision has a lot or a little value in their life, but it is also their, and sometimes other's, opinions to decide whether a decision is a good or bad one. Good decisions suit one’s lifestyle and are decisions that make them happy. Bad decisions are those that have a negative altering to one's life - this could include getting in trouble, for example. Bad decisions and good decisions both affect one's life, and shape who they were, are, and will be. Through one's academic history and future, there may be many bad decisions and good decisions, but the big ones are the decisions that have the most impact on a person. To be successful, it is important to be sure that all big decisions are good decisions and not bad decisions. Good academic decisions are started for a student at a very young age. These decisions are probably made mostly by the parents. These decisions could be reading to them or teaching them to read in the student's early childhood, or keeping the child disciplined, so they behave the best that they can in class. Behavior in the classroom is extremely important in order to become a great learner. The parents must also teach their children to take responsibility in their work, so when the student is in middle school (junior high) or high school they do not have poor responsibility habits. Once middle school rolls around, the student should start making their own academic decisions. They may start to decide how hard of a worker they want to be in class, what classes to take, whether or not to do their homework, and so on. Parents want what is best for their children and family. Hoping their children get the best education possible, and have great behavior, many parents hover over their children making sure they do everything correctly without messing up. Making mistakes trains people to do the right thing next time and learn from mistakes, correct? A parent that hovers called “helicopter parents”, and they are actually destroying a child’s potential to developing well-rounded personality characteristics, such as responsibility. Although children certainly need guidance in their life, letting a child suffer a bit may be tough as a parent, but this is how a child develops into a great person, learning how to make good decisions from their bad ones. In the end, the goal of the parent is to raise a decent kid, and to carry on the family’s name with pride instead of shame. Once a parent decides to step back, allow their child struggle and learn things on their, this may be the developing key to future’s pursuit of happiness for both the parents and child. In life, one may value objects, such as cars, houses, or money, but thinks that are really most important and valuable in life are people's ability to interact with others, and expressing great character. Succeeding in life is also highly looked upon. For many years, having great success has been known as leading the American Dream. This valuing system holds quite true when it comes to the way we value our decisions. It is not so much the decision of buying a certain car or house that is important later in life, although these are big decisions, but it’s the choices that form one's character that are valuable in life. Most likely, people do not have to be told the breakdown of bad and good decisions, but in a nutshell, bad and good decisions work off of each other. It is human for people to make bad decisions and make mistakes. To be the best person one can be and for them to lead their life without holding any regrets in the future, they must make the bad decisions the small, insignificant ones. Also, to be as successful as possible, the big decisions must be good and well thought out. Making just one bad decision with high significance could throw someone in a jail cell, for who knows how much time, as fast as one can blink an eye. But good decisions of high significance can do blessings for one’s life, and pave the way for a joyful, successful life.
Reflection #2 (RHS March 16 -- 171 March 25)
What was the purpose of the writing? How successfully did you meet this purpose?
The purpose of the writing was to make a relation between to different things through comparison and contrast. I believe I the similarities and differences be known. (I agree. The differences between good and bad may seem obvious, but you've made known to your reader that the differences are more complicated than they seem, and then made clear to your reader what the differences actually are.)
Who was your intended audience? How did you adapt your writing to appeal to this audience?
My audience was the everyday person - one that makes many decisions in life. I made it so they could relate to the subjects. (Yes! Most everyone will go through these various life stages of decision making.)
Explain the exigence that influenced the selection of your topic.
finding a way how to wage success through the bad and good decisions in life. (Did writing about it help you to find a way? I'm curious...)
How does your writing draw attention to the key aspects of your message?
all of my examples and reasoning ties into the overall message. (And, the way that your writing is from a relatable perspective helps to convey that your message applies to your reader, personally.)
In what ways did you create tone to reflect your persona?
I put myself into the reader's shoes which helped me write the essay in the best way to get the point to the reader. (This really comes across in your final final paper [thanks for posting that!]. Your tone seems honest, like your points are something you've reflected upon yourself, or even that you are reflecting upon as the reader is reading them.)
Rough Draft Argument (posted RHS April 6 -- 171 April 8)
note: There is nothing I can argue between bad and good decisions that would be very interesting to readers. But I could write about something pertaining to decisions, such as the story in the newspaper earlier this week. There was a story about a few students who broke into someones house while they were vacationing and used it as a party pad during spring break for a few days. There were extreme comments stating how these kids should be inprisoned for many many years and other kinds of stuff that I would have to look further into. Would it be appropriate if I were to write an argument against those who believe the consequences should be as severe as practically taking these kids lives away from them? I could include things such as the unknown behind the scenes details (i.e - if the home owners have children, they could have been involved saying they could use the house or even told them they were going to be gone). Also in this essay I will argue why it is such a terrible idea to use someones house for a party because of the risk of facing the charges, and damaging property.
_
note: There is nothing I can argue between bad and good decisions that would be very interesting to readers. (It might be interesting, but I agree that this doesn't seem to be the direction your argument is headed. Could you craft the paper so that you don't directly discuss good and bad, but so that your reader is left to think about them?) But I could write about something pertaining to decisions, such as the story in the newspaper earlier this week. There was a story about a few students who broke into someones house while they were vacationing and used it as a party pad during spring break for a few days. (I didn't hear about this. I think it's cool that you're taking something that's been around as long as humans [right and wrong], and applying it to something that's going on in the local community today. I expect that this will have a double-relatability effect on your reader. Plus, you've just plain got me interested!) There were extreme comments stating how these kids should be inprisoned for many many years and other kinds of stuff that I would have to look further into. Would it be appropriate if I were to write an argument against those who believe the consequences should be as severe as practically taking these kids lives away from them? I could include things such as the unknown behind the scenes details (i.e - if the home owners have children, they could have been involved saying they could use the house or even told them they were going to be gone). (Will you be able to access these sorts of behind the scenes details? What if those details are contrary to your argument? Perhaps you could argue both for and against the people who believe the kids should be locked up?) Also in this essay I will argue why it is such a terrible idea to use someones house for a party because of the risk of facing the charges, and damaging property. (Again, it might be interesting to argue both why kids would and shouldn't do things of this nature.)
Hey Cole-
You've got a really cool idea going here: people make decisions, and other people make decisions about those people. The one thing I see that might happen is that readers tend to take one side or the other. And/or, if you take one side or the other, readers will tend to either agree or disagree with you. Your paper might benefit the debate if you complicate the issue for your reader. How can this paper allow your reader to take a stance, but then make them defend it? If they have an initial defense, how can this paper break down that defense? If they have another defense, how can this paper break down that other defense? Basically, the more angles you cover, and the less direct argument your paper contains, the more convincing it'll be. I know this sounds complicated, but, then again, so are readers...
Revision Argument (posted RHS April 13 -- 171 April 15) http://www.desmoinesregister.com/article/20120404/NEWS/304040048/Underage-drinking-party-tab-comes-10-000-police-say
Today, many teens are making poor decisions, often relating to drugs or alcohol. In the article, Mary Stegmeir outlines a story of two teenage boys, David Dreller and Andrew Noble of Dowling Catholic High School, who broke into a house during spring break in March and threw parties in the house for several days (until they were caught by the police). The house belonged to the Eastman's, and they were gone for a spring break vacation. These two 17 year old boys also had the 'brilliant' idea of driving the homeowner's vehicle. During these three days at the spring break party pad, $10,000 worth of damage was caused to the house. It is clear that these two boys made several terrible decisions along the way during these few days, including entering the house on several occasions, allowing many other kids in the house to party, using marijuana and drinking alcohol, and driving the homeowner's vehicle even though the report says they were not intoxicated. How extreme should the punishment be?
The comments by viewers varied greatly. Some people thought these kids must be locked up for a lot of time, but some people were more defensive, claimign this is a case of lack of parenting, or an alcohol/drug issue that must see therapy. A few people claimed there must be more to the story, which is where I stand on the situation. The story must absolutely be incomplete, there must be more to what happened. After research, this is absolutely the case, in defense of David Dreller and Andrew Noble. There are many decisions being made in a case like this.
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Today, many teens are making poor decisions, often relating to drugs or alcohol. In the article, Mary Stegmeir outlines a story of two teenage boys, David Dreller and Andrew Noble of Dowling Catholic High School, who broke into a house during spring break in March and threw parties in the house for several days (until they were caught by the police). (How did they end up getting busted?) The house belonged to the Eastman's, and they were gone for a spring break vacation. These two 17 year old boys also had the 'brilliant' idea of driving the homeowner's vehicle. During these three days at the spring break party pad, $10,000 worth of damage was caused to the house. It is clear that these two boys made several terrible decisions along the way during these few days, including entering the house on several occasions, allowing (strange that they would be allowing others to do things when they weren't allowed to do the things they were doing...) many other kids in the house to party, using marijuana and drinking alcohol, and driving the homeowner's vehicle even though the report says they were not intoxicated. How extreme should the punishment be? (So, decide on Dreller and Noble's decisions? Interesting!)
The comments by viewers varied greatly. Some people thought these kids must be locked up for a lot of time, but some people were more defensive, claimign this is a case of lack of parenting, or an alcohol/drug issue that must see therapy. A few people claimed there must be more to the story, which is where I stand on the situation. (I like that you've made it clear where you stand on the situation. I also like that you've positioned your stance so that you can now go on to explain it in detail, while at the same time explaining what the "more to the story" actually is. Great strategy!) The story must absolutely be incomplete, there must be more to what happened. After research, this is absolutely the case, in defense of David Dreller and Andrew Noble. There are many decisions being made in a case like this. (Indeed!)
Hey Cole-
I see your main points to be about decisions of action and decisions of punishment. You have here a number of areas from which you can explore these points: the kids' decisions, other people's decisions, your own decisions. It will be interesting to discover how they all weigh up to one another!
Final Argument (posted RHS April 20 -- 171 April 23
Today, many teens are making poor decisions, often relating to drugs or alcohol. In the article, Mary Stegmeir outlines a story of two teenage boys, David Dreller and Andrew Noble of Dowling Catholic High School, who broke into a house during spring break in March and threw parties in the house for several days (until they were caught by the police). The house belonged to the Eastman's, and they were gone for a spring break vacation. These two 17 year old boys also had the 'brilliant' idea of driving the homeowner's vehicle. During these three days at the spring break party pad, $10,000 worth of damage was caused to the house. It is clear that these two boys made several terrible decisions along the way during these few days, including entering the house on several occasions, allowing many other kids in the house to party, using marijuana and drinking alcohol, and driving the homeowner's vehicle even though the report says they were not intoxicated. How extreme should the punishment be?
The comments by viewers varied greatly. Some people thought these kids must be locked up for a lot of time, but some people were more defensive, claiming this is a case of lack of parenting, or an alcohol/drug issue that must see therapy. A few people claimed there must be more to the story, which is where I stand on the situation. The story must be incomplete, and there must be involvement of other’s decisions in the situation. After research, this is absolutely the case, in defense of David Dreller and Andrew Noble. There were many decisions made in this situation, but the biggest decision was the first decision. The first is the decision made by Noble and Dreller to enter the home. Many of the decisions following the first were made by these two boys along with other teens throughout the course of the three nights at the "party pad.” Yes, these boys made some terrible choices during spring break, but many adults can probably think back and remember times during their teen years when they also made some unwise choices that could potentially get them into trouble with the law enforcement. What must have given Dreller and Noble the idea to throw a party at the Eastman’s home? Could it have been the Eastman’s 17 year old son giving them permission to and admission to use the house? If the son were to give permission to Noble and Dreller, this would definitely alter the case - the judge must make a decision as to whether these boys receive as much punishment, less punishment, or any punishment at all for using the Eastman’s home.
There are other factors that also play into the case, such as use or possession of alcohol and marijuana. These alcohol and drug charges may be removed for youths, in certain situations, through rehab programs or community service.
The damage accumulated by the home was tremendous. In the viewer’s eyes of Stegmeir’s article, this might come across as violence out of Noble and Dreller while intoxicated. What the readers do not know is that this is in fact something very different. From a private source, I learned that a few kids came into the party with baseball bats and intentionally destroyed part of the interior of the house. How does a judge charge kids innocent of the damage, but responsible of hosting the parties? Technically speaking, all of the people in attendance of the parties were trespassers of the Eastman’s private property and invaded the home, so why hold all charges to these two boys although they were clearly the ring leaders of the crime.
As an adult, put yourself or your child’s self into the shoes of David Dreller or Andrew Noble. Now how do you believe the boys should be punished? Anyone that believes these boys should be prosecuted for any significant amount of years must step back and peek deeper into the situation, including taking a look at all of the factors, many of which were not mentioned. Some ponder why the cops were not notified during these three nights, as it was obvious that under aged people were walking up with alcoholic beverages were in hand. Some believe that lack of care and supervision from the parents of these boys is an issue, and there are even several that believe the drinking age should be lowered, so teens do not do things such as party in an abandoned house or on the side of the river just to “have some fun.” It is believed that partying in secrecy at illegal locations is more dangerous, as there is more drinking and driving, and other illegal and dangerous factors at risk. Where do you stand for the punishment of David Dreller and Andrew Noble? Would rehab and community service resolve the boys’ alcoholic issues?
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Today, many teens are making poor decisions, often relating to drugs or alcohol. In the article (What's the name of the article? Where did the article appear?), Mary Stegmeir outlines a story of two teenage boys, David Dreller and Andrew Noble of Dowling Catholic High School, who broke into a house during spring break in March and threw parties in the house for several days (until they were caught by the police). The house belonged to the Eastman's, and they were gone for a spring break vacation. These two 17 year old boys also had the 'brilliant' idea of driving the homeowner's vehicle. During these three days at the spring break party pad, $10,000 worth of damage was caused to the house. It is clear that these two boys made several terrible decisions along the way during these few days, including entering the house on several occasions, allowing many other kids in the house to party, using marijuana and drinking alcohol, and driving the homeowner's vehicle even though the report says they were not intoxicated. How extreme should the punishment be? (Based on the news article? Based on the charges against them? What exactly are the charges against them?)
The comments by viewers (Are they readers or viewers? Or, is the written article about what viewers of the TV airing of the story said?) varied greatly. Some people thought these kids must be locked up for a lot of time, but some people were more defensive, claiming this is a case of lack of parenting, or an alcohol/drug issue that must see therapy. A few people claimed there must be more to the story, which is where I stand on the situation. The story must be incomplete, and there must be involvement of other’s decisions in the situation. After research, this is absolutely the case, in defense of David Dreller and Andrew Noble. There were many decisions made in this situation, but the biggest decision was the first decision. The first is the decision made by Noble and Dreller to enter the home. Many of the decisions following the first were made by these two boys along with other teens throughout the course of the three nights at the "party pad.” [[Yes, these boys made some terrible choices during spring break, but many adults can probably think back and remember times during their teen years when they also made some unwise choices that could potentially get them into trouble with the law enforcement.]]<==(This sentence confuses me. How do the memories of adults connect to your claim that there is more to the story?) What must have given Dreller and Noble the idea to throw a party at the Eastman’s home? Could it have been the Eastman’s 17 year old son giving them permission to and admission to use the house? If the son were to give permission to Noble and Dreller, this would definitely alter the case - the judge must make a decision as to whether these boys receive as much punishment, less punishment, or any punishment at all for using the Eastman’s home. (Is this part about the Eastman's son speculation by the viewers? Is there evidence of this? You'll want to be clear where your claims are coming from.)
There are other factors that also play into the case, such as use or possession of alcohol and marijuana. These alcohol and drug charges may be removed for youths, in certain situations, through rehab programs or community service.
The damage accumulated by the home was tremendous. (Do you have examples of the types of damage [other than that caused from the baseball bats]? Because...) In the viewer’s eyes of Stegmeir’s article, this might come across as violence (...why would the damage to the house come across as violent?) out of Noble and Dreller while intoxicated. What the readers do not know is that this is in fact something very different. From a private source, I learned that a few kids came into the party with baseball bats and intentionally destroyed part of the interior of the house. (This is huge! Great research! The info about other kids with the baseball bats really makes you next point both legitimate and strong.) How does a judge charge kids innocent of the damage, but responsible of hosting the parties? Technically speaking, all of the people in attendance of the parties were trespassers of the Eastman’s private property and invaded the home, so why hold all charges to these two boys (EXCELLENT POINT!) although they were clearly the ring leaders of the crime. (I appreciate the counter point at the end, that the boys were the ring leaders. But, you made such a strong progression of argumentation up to that point that you don't want to take away from your argument with some off comment. Perhaps, there's a better place in your paper to make the point about them being ring leaders?)
As an adult, put yourself or your child’s self into the shoes of David Dreller or Andrew Noble. Now how do you believe the boys should be punished? Anyone that believes these boys should be prosecuted for any significant amount of years must step back and peek deeper into the situation(Have you explained this thoroughly in your argument? How might the reader see deeper into the case?), including taking a look at all of the factors, many of which were not mentioned. Some ponder why the cops were not notified during these three nights, as it was obvious (to whom?) that under aged people were walking up with alcoholic beverages were in hand. Some believe that lack of care and supervision from the parents of these boys is an issue (Have you explained this thoroughly in your argument? How are other people factors in the case?), and there are even several that believe the drinking age should be lowered, so teens do not do things such as party in an abandoned house or on the side of the river just to “have some fun.” It is believed that partying in secrecy at illegal locations is more dangerous, as there is more drinking and driving, and other illegal and dangerous factors at risk (Have you explained this thoroughly in your argument? How are current times factors in the case?). Where do you stand for the punishment of David Dreller and Andrew Noble?<==(I'd recommend that you leave your reader with this question. It really has an effect on what you've presented to this point. When I got to this question, I felt like it was my turn to start talking in a conversation that would pop up in everyday life.) Would rehab and community service resolve the boys’ alcoholic issues?
Hey Cole-
You mention alcohol in a couple different places and manners, but it feels scattered in the piece. Are you saying that alcohol is a factor in itself? I can't tell. Anyway, I've made some comments throughout, but I think the biggest help may come from my questions in the last paragraph. These seem to me to be the points that make your most substantial and strongest arguments. I think that as long as you feel the body of your paper provides evidence for and reasons well through each of your individual arguments, your overall argument will both strong and sound.
Reflection #3 (posted RHS April 23)
What was the purpose of the writing? How successfully did you meet this purpose?
To learn to develop an argument with claims and counter claims and support it with reason and evidence. I think my claims could use some work and my reason/evidence may be stengthened.
Who was your intended audience? How did you adapt your writing to appeal to this audience?
My audience was people that agreed with the comments on the article. I gave them reasoning as to why they should not agree with particular statements.
Explain the exigence that influenced the selection of your topic.
My previous writings were based on bad decisions and good decisions, and after reading this article, I believed that I could relate decision making into this essay. After reading the comments, I realized that it would be easiest to write arguments against viewer's opinions.
How does your writing draw attention to the key aspects of your message?
I gave a brief synopsis of the interesting story, then had the readers put themselves into the boy's position if they thought the boys should serve a major sentence for the crime.
In what ways did you create tone to reflect your persona?
I created a defensive tone, by not saying that what the boys did was 'ok' but that they should not be punished to the extent that viewers believed they should.
Hey, Cole-
I’ve put a lot of thought into what I wanted to say in this intro letter. Of course, the putting it down in words is always the fun part (fun, that is, with a touch of not-fun-at-all-as-that’s-the-struggle-of-the-writer-type sarcasm intended). And so I give you…
At Drake, I’m on the books for writing, philosophy, and neuroscience. Weird combo, right? It gets better. I love technical essays and poetry. The tie that binds is that language fascinates me. I’ve attempted/am attempting to study language from every possible angle. Thus far, I’ve dabbled in the evolution, history, theory, structure (or lack thereof), aesthetic (or lack thereof), and practice of—whether written, spoken, gestured, telepathized (see mirror neurons and/or the Buddhist notion of compassion), whatever—language. Now in my junior year, I’m transitioning more to the logic, science, and teaching of language. I plan to pursue a PhD in computational neuroscience, with which I hope to remain forever in academia, and forever studying and teaching and writing about language. Here’s a secret: these are all just pieces of my grand-master plan to learn so as to manipulate.
Wait a minute… I just realized that that sounded like I was planning on manipulating YOU. No. Rather, I’d strive for nothing more than that what I’ve learned of language might assist you in going on to further manipulate IT. Or, so that you might manipulate others with your manipulation of language, if you choose, of course. Either way. Or, both. It’s all a part of the game.
And it’s fun to play (or at least I think so). The writing game, I mean. Actually, it’s been a hoot for me to the degree that I’ve presented my essays at both undergraduate and graduate conferences, and my poetry has been published both online and in print. I’ve got to believe that I’ve either acceptably manipulated the language within the respective structures, or that whatever it is that I did with the language passably manipulated the judging readers into taking to my works, or both—to me, this is what writers do! Not that I’m trying to brag (ok, maybe a little). It’s just that I believe wholeheartedly that language manipulation (or the manipulation of others through language, whichev), despite how dirty I’ve here made it sound, is a respectable business. And so must you. I look forward to having you as a colleague!
At the same time—and I have to admit this above all else—putting my work out there to be critiqued is entirely intimidating. On your willingness to subject your work to my responses/rantings: much props. And: most respect. I only hope not to disappoint.
Can’t wait to check out your writing on “Reflections on Topic of Inquiry,” and to meet you on the 30th! Until then…
Peace-
Jeff
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Jeff-
It is very nice to meet you! I can definitely relate to you about the difficulty of applying what you think into words. Putting it down in words must be the toughest part of writing!
Currently, I am a Junior at Roosevelt High School and taking the AP Lang course offered by Mr. Johnson and Ms. Lang at Roosevelt. I am a kid who is interested and involved in athletics. I enjoy playing baseball and basketball (baseball being my best sport). I love the outdoors and spending time with my family. Most kids do not know this about me, but I love to fish and just hang out in the summer as I enjoy the break from school. I seem to always keep myself busy, often times by procrastinating, as you have already seen signs of... Hopefully you will not see any other signs of my procrastination this semester. One other thing is that on much of my free time during the warmer months, I mow lawns around the neighborhood with my brother. We have our own lawn service with about ten lawns. I consider this my job.
What you are doing at Drake sounds awfully complicated. It must be a lot of work to take on that combo of study and work load! Writing does not have my interest for the future. I think I am more into studying the sciences than going into writing when it comes my time to go to college. Its something about the way things work including nature and the human body that interest me. I have always viewed myself as a decent writer, but I think I am better at mathematics and science.
Last semester, I learned that I am not a great analyzer of literacy and that my diction and structure could use some (a lot) of improvement. I look forward to trying new things this semester, including this week exchange with all of you Drake students.
Thank you Jeff,
Cole
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Personal Reflection on Topic of Inquiry(posted RHS January 27 -- 171 January 29)
Decision making rules our lives every day. All that we do in life are based on the choices that we make on the daily. These decisions shape who we are today. A person makes thousands of decisions during the course of a day, although they probably do not even notice. Most of these decisions are small decisions, and the major decisions are the decisions that highlight our lives.
Sometimes, I think "what if I did/didn't do this... what would my life be like today?" When I think of the 'big' decisions that I have made so far in my life, I often think about decisions that apply to my academics, job, sports, and my social life. When I was younger, I thought life revolved around sports, just as most kids of the same interests thought. I chose to involve myself with these sports through organized leagues (with the assistance of my parents, of course) or playing in the back yard with friends. These were decisions early in my life that influenced my interest in athletics. Some more recent decisions have been which sports to play in high school, and which ones to put most of my time towards. Another time when my choices have been and are being challenged are trying to decide what I would like to do as a career in the future. This has already affected me through most of high school, because I have chosen many classes that will help to prepare me for the college courses. There are obviously many decisions that come with a job, especially if you work for yourself. Last spring, I invested in a larger mower to assist the time management of mowing ten lawns. My next major decision must be which college I choose to attend. I want to go somewhere that offers a great pre-medicine program, and where I can play baseball (probably an instate DIII school).
I look at decisions a fork in a trail, and I choose the route that will give me the best chance of my destination in life. I learn a lot through the decisions that I make, as they have a huge influence on my life. I am sure most people can relate to my view of decision making. What decisions have shaped your life? What would your life be like if you followed a different path of the trail?
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Decision making rules our lives every day. Indeed! Great idea to start things off with something to which everyone can relate. All that we do in life are based on the choices that we make on the daily. These decisions shape who we are today. A person makes thousands of decisions during the course of a day, although they probably do not even notice. Most of these decisions are small decisions, and the major decisions are the decisions that highlight our lives. I like that you've separated smaller decisions from larger ones. Perhaps some examples of each would help the reader to understand where it is that you've drawn the line between them. Or, are there also small decisions that make large impacts on human lives? Are you most concerned with the size of the decision or the size of the impact?
Sometimes, I think "what if I did/didn't do this... what would my life be like today?" You cover well the things you did do that have shaped your life, but I'd be really interested to see what/who you believe you would be if you had decided to not do those things. When I think of the 'big' decisions that I have made so far in my life, I often think about decisions that apply to my academics, job, sports, and my social life. Good! Your reader knows exactly the types of decisions you'll be discussing. [[When I was younger, I thought life revolved around sports, just as most kids of the same interests thought. I chose to involve myself with these sports through organized leagues (with the assistance of my parents, of course) or playing in the back yard with friends. These were decisions early in my life that influenced my interest in athletics.]]---> Is this something like: Decision Period #1? [[Some more recent decisions have been which sports to play in high school, and which ones to put most of my time towards.]]---> Decision Period #2? [[Another time when my choices have been and are being challenged are trying to decide what I would like to do as a career in the future. This has already affected me through most of high school, because I have chosen many classes that will help to prepare me for the college courses.]]---> Decision Period #3? There are obviously many decisions that come with a job, especially if you work for yourself. Last spring, I invested in a larger mower to assist the time management of mowing ten lawns.---> YES!
Decisions affect other decisions. This is a very interesting point that you may wish to explore further. Are there ways in which these "Decision Periods" all have something to do with one another? My next major decision must be which college I choose to attend. I want to go somewhere that offers a great pre-medicine program, and where I can play baseball (probably an instate DIII school). I like that you've included here decisions you've yet to decide upon. Tricky, tricky. This is a really cool line of thought that could be blown wide open. How do past decisions lead us to make future ones? And, why is it that we tend to look backward at our past decisions when we're contemplating how to move forward on future decisions?
I look at decisions a fork in a trail, and I choose the route that will give me the best chance of my destination in life. Your above paragraph does lend itself to the interpretation that a person chooses a destination, and then goes on to make choices so as to reach that destination. Are there ways in which the choices humans make also bring them to their current destinations, whether or not they were seeking to reach that destination? I learn a lot through the decisions that I make, as they have a huge influence on my life. I am sure most people can relate to my view of decision making. Don't be afraid to tell the reader to what it is they are to relate. This would be a fitting spot to sum up to the reader what your view of decision making is. What decisions have shaped your life? What would your life be like if you followed a different path of the trail? (I shutter to think about this about my own life, heh.)
I take your main point(s) to be that decisions come in/can be arranged in hierarchical and sequential patterns. I really enjoy the way your piece not only discusses these patterns, but is also structured in this very same way. That's high-level stuff! Very impressive! (Many of the philosophers I read can't even pull that off!) Are there ways you could accentuate this strategy even more? Such as, are there sequences of smaller decisions that combine to play a role in the sequence of larger decisions? And, how do the larger decisions make a difference in the types of smaller decisions that come up in day-to-day life? This is a really good entry into the topic of "defining self." I can't wait to see what you do with it from here!
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Rough Draft Definition (posted RHS February 3 -- 171 February 5)
Our everyday lives are impacted by our decisions. According to dictionary.com, a decision is the act of making up one's mind. It is the selection between possible actions. Decisions are made on a daily basis by everyone. We are probably making decisions by the second. They shape the way we were, are, or who we will become. They are constant and never ending. Similar to decisions are choices. They are nearly the same concept. A choice is known as selectiong between two or more objects or possibilities. Making decisions involves choosing, but a decision is less broad than a choice. A choice is a selection without much thought, but a decision is a final choice with the use of best judgement.
Making the right decision is based on an opinion, because each choice has a different effect on one's life - whether your decision is "right" depends on which path you would like to take in life. The only bad decisions are those that will affect one's life in a negative way. The right decisions pave the way for life, but bad or wrong decisions are set backs. For example, breaking the law could a set back, because you may earn charges on your personal record, or find yourself in a jail cell. This could have a major affect on finding jobs, and possibly harm other opportunies including reasonable insurance rates (maybe?), for example.
(I still have a lot of commentary and such to insert which has not yet come to me, and I must find a way to tie it up)
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Our everyday lives are impacted by our decisions. According to dictionary.com, <==(decision is a common enough word that you probably don't need a source here) a decision is the act of making up one's mind. It is the selection between possible actions. <==(Try combining the previous two sentences in your own words. It'll be a lot more impactful -- and relatable -- if the definition comes from you.) Decisions are made on a daily basis by everyone. We are probably making decisions by the second. <==(This might be a good place to have a source. The word "probably" sounds unsure, whereas statistical, scientific, etc. data would give this sentence concreteness. Plus, a fact would make this statement more concrete for your reader.) They shape the way we were, are, or who we will become. <==(YES!!! Excellent point! Past, present, future. This sentence feels like your thesis.) They are constant and never ending. Similar to decisions are choices. They are nearly the same concept. <==(But not identical, right? You go on to separate them, but you don't want to sound like you start out contradicting yourself.) ... (There's no prob with letting your reader know what it is that you're about to do.)==> A choice is known as selection between two or more objects or possibilities. Making decisions involves choosing, but a decision is less broad than a choice. A choice is a selection without much thought, but a decision is a final choice with the use of best judgement. <==(I like the distinction you've made between "decisions" and "choices" in these underlined sentences. Very interesting! Could this be expanded upon so that it was its own paragraph [or paragraphs]?)
Making the right decision is based on an opinion, because each choice (Wait... is this the same "choice" that you were talking about above? I'm confused here if you're blending the two terms, or not. Or, are you now talking about "decisions" only?) has a different effect on one's life - whether your decision is "right" depends on which path you would like to take in life. The only bad decisions are those that will affect one's life in a negative way. The right decisions pave the way for life, but bad or wrong decisions are set backs. <==(It's probably just due to my philosophical background, but I find that drawing oppositions with the terms "right" v "wrong" and "good" v "bad" is always tricky. "Right" and "wrong" suggest correctness, and makes me think that life might be like a T/F quiz, where at each point I have a 50% chance of acing it as well as a 50% chance of failing. Is that what you're getting at? "Good" and "bad" are more relative terms, but are quite watery in their own "definitions." Isn't defining them where you head next...?) For example, breaking the law could a set back, because you may earn charges on your personal record, or find yourself in a jail cell. This could have a major affect on finding jobs, and possibly harm other opportunies including reasonable insurance rates (maybe?), for example. ,<==(Awesome examples! And, definitely on the insurance rates [DUI's]! This might be another good place for some outside information. Even if you don't want to cite sources here, there are common enough examples [like DUI's] that could help to get your reader thinking about the consequences of their own decisions. At the same time, could this be a place to talk about the relativity of those terms "good" and "bad"? Consider Malcom X, whose life was changed for the better after having been in prison, or Gandhi, who purposely got himself thrown in jail to better the lives of other people, for example.)
Hey, Cole-
You and I share in common the writerly habit of organizing and structuring our positions. So, of course I'm going to appreciate that about your writing! In that way, you've got you're position firmly established in this draft, so great job with the tough part! Is there a way that in your revision the same organization and structure could come across in the words on the page -- the easy part? This should assist you where you had mentioned that you were looking to tie things up. You might try first isolating your main points (I understand them to be: the definition of decision, the meaning of decision [that they shape us], the difference between decision and "choice," what makes a decision one that a person should/shouldn't make), and working each of them individually till they say what you want them to say. Then, once you have fully developed each separate point, do you find a commonality between them? This should help with transitioning between the various points, as well as in creating a concluding paragraph that really drives home these points to your reader. Other than that, great start! I especially look forward to seeing the sorts of commentary you come up with for the revision. Best of luck!
-Jeff
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Revision Definition (posted RHS February 10 -- 171 February 12 )
Identification
Term: Decision
Class: perception or thought process
Characteristics: impact lives, occur on daily basis, there are bad and good decisions
exigence:"A decision is a final choice with the use of best judgement"
Negation: none
misconception: NONE
source: dictionary.com... need 4 more
Our everyday lives are impacted by our decisions. Many dictionary sources relate to the definition of a decision as a judgment or making up of one's mind - a selection between possible choices or actions. Decisions are made on a daily basis by everyone. We are probably[note to self: fix this with statistic] making decisions by the second. They shape the way we were, are, or who we will become. They are constant and never ending. Similar to decisions are choices, because they are nearly the same concept. The terms decision and choice could mostly likely be used interchangably without confusing anyone. A choice is known as selecting between two or more objects or possibilities. Making decisions involves choosing, but a decision is less broad than a choice. A choice is a selection without much thought, but a decision is a final choice with the use of best judgment.
I asked a friend to define decision and what it meant to him. He defined decision as, "To do something or not do something, and choosing what is best for yourself". For asking him to wing-it on the definition, I agree with his idea of a decision. In my life, I have made academic decisions, some good and some bad. A good academic decision which I have made is taking the challenging courses which I scheduled for myself in order to gain more knowledge in the field I would like to study in and hopefully make my college education easier on myself. Bad academic decisions that I have made would be using poor study habbits, and procrastinating on projects and homework, such as this particular assignment of writing and revising an extended definition essay. These are only two examples of multiple bad and good academic decisions I have made in my life.
Making the right decision is based on an opinion, because each decision has a different effect on one's life - whether your decision is good or bad depends on which path you would like to take in life. The only bad decisions are those that will affect one's life in a negative way or take you down the undesired path on your trail of life. Good decisions pave the way for your desired life, but bad or wrong decisions are setbacks or long detours on your trail of life. For example, breaking the law could be a setback, because you may earn charges on your personal record, or find yourself in a jail cell. This could have a major affect on finding jobs, and possibly harm other opportunities including reasonable insurance rates. For example, if you were to get in multiple accidents, violate traffic laws, or especially get a DUI, your insurance rates will sky rocket. All of these you may control with the decisions that you make, except for the accidents, if they are not your fault. You may prevent an accident from occurring by doing several things – do not use electronic devices, such as iPods or cell phones, and do not violate traffic laws for your own safety. One decision that is definitely in your control is the decision to drink alcohol, or use any stimulant or intoxicator. Use of these substances is the first unwise decision, and the second unwise decision would be to drive under the influence of these substances. A person that does this puts themselves, and more importantly, others at risk of danger when they do this. Besides, you could be pulled over, arrested, and charged with driving under the influence, also known as a DUI.
[note to self: need misconceptions, negations, more sources (image, and article(s)?), and expand definitions in certain areas]
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Identification
Term: Decision
Class: perception or thought process (What process does one go through in making a decision?)
Characteristics: impact lives, occur on daily basis, there are bad and good decisions (Besides the word "decision," what brings these characteristics together?)
exigence:"A decision is a final choice with the use of best judgement"
Negation: none
misconception: NONE
source: dictionary.com... need 4 more (Which of your points could benefit most from the use of supporting information?)
Our everyday lives are impacted by our decisions. Many dictionary sources relate to the definition of a decision as a judgment or making up of one's mind - a selection between possible choices or actions. Decisions are made on a daily basis by everyone. We are probably [note to self: fix this with statistic] making decisions by the second. They shape the way we were, are, or who we will become. They are constant and never ending. Similar to decisions are choices, because they are nearly the same concept. The terms decision and choice could mostly likely be used interchangably without confusing anyone. A choice is known as selecting between two or more objects or possibilities. Making decisions involves choosing, but a decision is less broad than a choice. A choice is a selection without much thought, but a decision is a final choice with the use of best judgment. (How does "decision" and "choice" being interchangeable connect to the definition, universality, and effect of decisions? Is this interchangeability part of your overall point?)
I asked a friend to define decision and what it meant to him. He defined decision as, "To do something or not do something, and choosing what is best for yourself". For asking him to wing-it on the definition, I agree with his idea of a decision. (Great idea to the include peer commentary. I get that you agree with him. But, how, specifically, does his comment tie into the "good" and "bad" decisions you give as examples from your own life?) In my life, I have made academic decisions, some good and some bad. A good academic decision which I have made is taking the challenging courses which I scheduled for myself in order to gain more knowledge in the field I would like to study in and hopefully make my college education easier on myself. Bad academic decisions that I have made would be using poor study habbits, and procrastinating on projects and homework, such as this particular assignment of writing and revising an extended definition essay. These are only two examples of multiple bad and good academic decisions I have made in my life. (And they're impactful examples, especially since your reader gets to discover more about "decisions" from hearing about yours. However, this paragraph seems separated from the other two, perhaps because we're hearing directly from you for the first and last time. What sort of writerly voice/tone and readerly distance do you want this paper to have?)
Making the right decision is based on an opinion, because each decision has a different effect on one's life - whether your decision is good or bad depends on which path you would like to take in life. The only bad decisions are those that will affect one's life in a negative way or take you down the undesired path on your trail of life. Good decisions pave the way for your desired life, but bad or wrong decisions are setbacks or long detours on your trail of life. For example, breaking the law could be a setback, because you may earn charges on your personal record, or find yourself in a jail cell. This could have a major affect on finding jobs, and possibly harm other opportunities including reasonable insurance rates. For example, if you were to get in multiple accidents, violate traffic laws, or especially get a DUI, your insurance rates will sky rocket. All of these you may control with the decisions that you make, except for the accidents, if they are not your fault. (Negation?) You may prevent an accident from occurring by doing several things – do not use electronic devices, such as iPods or cell phones, and do not violate traffic laws for your own safety. One decision that is definitely in your control is the decision to drink alcohol, or use any stimulant or intoxicator. Use of these substances is the first unwise decision, and the second unwise decision would be to drive under the influence of these substances. A person that does this puts themselves, and more importantly, others at risk of danger when they do this. Besides, you could be pulled over, arrested, and charged with driving under the influence, also known as a DUI. (Excellent examples! You give a range of behaviors, from those that most everyone does [use cell phones] to those that many people would never consider doing [drinking and driving]. You only briefly mention "good" decisions, so does this mean that a major focus of your paper is these sorts of "bad" decisions?)
[note to self: need misconceptions, negations, more sources (image, and article(s)?), and expand definitions in certain areas]
Hey Cole-
On this revision I really get the sense of you honing in on both the topic of "decisions," as well as your position on that topic. You've included here a number of concrete examples and details that make your piece much more 'real' for your reader. Nice work! Also, your editor notes give me a good idea of what you have left to include in your final version of this paper. Plus, they're just helpful in keeping in mind where you want to go with a piece, so it's a good habit to get into (a good "decision"!). Since you have a planned direction, and since on the rough draft I commented most on areas of expansion, this time I've tried to focus on areas that might be refined. Most of what I've noted has to do with connecting the dots... You've presented several strong points. What connects one point to the next? What connects all of the points together? Details about these connections should help to make your points even stronger, which should ultimately have the same affect on the piece, as a whole. I look forward to reading your final paper, and to talking with you more later today (only 12 hours from now?!?!) See you then.
-Jeff
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Final Definition (posted RHS February 17 -- 171 February 19 )
Our everyday lives are impacted by our decisions. Many dictionary sources relate to the definition of a decision as a judgment or making up of one's mind - a selection between possible choices or actions. Decisions are made on a daily basis by everyone. We are making small decisions by the second or possibly by the split second. Some of these decisions are ones that we don’t even think about, and they often pertain to our thoughts or movements. Blinking, placement our feet or hands, and any slight movement are small decisions that our brains simply make in response to a certain stimulant. I could not find the stats on decisions, but I can’t imagine how tough it would be to track this, as they occur extremely fast. All decisions shape the way we were, are, or who we will become, but the major decisions, the ones that we are always thinking about, are the decisions that have the largest effect on our lives. They are constant and never ending.
Similar to decisions are choices, because they are nearly the same concept. The terms decision and choice could mostly likely be used interchangeably without confusing anyone. A choice is known as selecting between two or more objects or possibilities. Making decisions involves choosing, but a decision is less broad than a choice. One difference between a choice and a decision is that a choice is a selection without much thought, but a decision is a final choice with the use of best judgment. Choices may also be perceived as the building blocks of a decision – the choices could be considered the different options or paths on a trail of life. In figure 1, right, is the trail of life. The arrows represent the options and choices the person can make in life in this part of their life (trail representing the person’s life). The person in the image is deciding which path to take in his life. The one path that he finally takes will be known as his decision. There is no turning back after a decision is made, which explains why decisions are highly valued.
I asked a friend to define decision and what it meant to him. He defined decision as, "To do something or not do something, and choosing what is best for yourself". For asking him to wing-it on the definition, I agree with his idea of a decision. In my life, I have made academic decisions, some good and some bad. A good academic decision which I have made is taking the challenging courses which I scheduled for myself in order to gain more knowledge in the field I would like to study in and hopefully make my college education easier on myself. Bad academic decisions that I have made would be using poor study habits, and procrastinating on projects and homework, such as this particular assignment of writing and revising an extended definition essay. These are only two examples of multiple bad and good academic decisions I have made in my life.
Making the right decision is based on an opinion, because each decision has a different effect on one's life - whether your decision is good or bad depends on which path you would like to take in life. The only bad decisions are those that will affect one's life in a negative way or take you down the undesired path on your trail of life. Good decisions pave the way for your desired life, but bad or wrong decisions are setbacks or long detours on your trail of life. For example, breaking the law could be a setback, because you may earn charges on your personal record, or find yourself in a jail cell. This could have a major affect on finding jobs, and possibly harm other opportunities including reasonable insurance rates. For example, if you were to get in multiple accidents, violate traffic laws, or especially get a DUI, your insurance rates will sky rocket. All of these you may control with the decisions that you make, except for the accidents, if they are not your fault. You may prevent an accident from occurring by doing several things – do not use electronic devices, such as iPods or cell phones, and do not violate traffic laws for your own safety. One decision that is definitely in your control is the decision to drink alcohol, or use any stimulant or intoxicator. Use of these substances is the first unwise decision, and the second unwise decision would be to drive under the influence of these substances. A person that does this puts themselves, and more importantly, others at risk of danger when they do this. Besides, you could be pulled over, arrested, and charged with driving under the influence, also known as a DUI.
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Our everyday lives are impacted by our decisions. Many dictionary sources relate to the definition of a decision as a judgment or making up of one's mind - a selection between possible choices or actions. Decisions are made on a daily basis by everyone. We are making small decisions by the second or possibly by the split second. Some of these decisions are ones that we don’t even think about, and they often pertain to our thoughts or movements. Blinking, placement our feet or hands, and any slight movement are small decisions that our brains simply make in response to a certain stimulant. I could not find the stats on decisions, (How does the lack of statistics advance your argument?) but I can’t imagine how tough it would be to track this, as they occur extremely fast. All decisions shape the way we were, are, or who we will become, but the major decisions, the ones that we are always thinking about, are the decisions that have the largest effect on our lives. They are constant and never ending. (This open just keeps getting better and better, and has a lot of great discussion. Which part is the focus of your paper? Which part connects to all the other parts?)
Similar to decisions are choices, because they are nearly the same concept. The terms decision and choice could mostly likely be used interchangeably without confusing anyone. A choice is known as selecting between two or more objects or possibilities. Making decisions involves choosing, but a decision is less broad than a choice. One difference between a choice and a decision is that a choice is a selection without much thought, but a decision is a final choice with the use of best judgment. Choices may also be perceived as the building blocks of a decision – the choices could be considered the different options or paths on a trail of life. In figure 1, right, (Maybe wiki is messing with your formatting, so I'm kinda guessing here... Is "right" supposed to mean, to the right of the text? If so, consider placing Figure 1 after the paragraph in which you refer to it, and sizing it so that it's on the same page as your mention of it.) is the trail of life. The arrows represent the options and choices the person can make in life in this part of their life (trail representing the person’s life). The person in the image is deciding which path to take in his life. The one path that he finally takes will be known as his decision. There is no turning back after a decision is made, which explains why decisions are highly valued. (Very important point! How does this tie into your overall aims of the paper?)
I asked a friend to define decision and what it meant to him. He defined decision as, "To do something or not do something, and choosing what is best for yourself". For asking him to wing-it on the definition, I agree with his idea of a decision. In my life, I have made academic decisions, some good and some bad. A good academic decision which I have made is taking the challenging courses which I scheduled for myself in order to gain more knowledge in the field I would like to study in and hopefully make my college education easier on myself. (This single sentence discusses both decisions and outcomes.) Bad academic decisions that I have made would be using poor study habits, and procrastinating on projects and homework, such as this particular assignment of writing and revising an extended definition essay. (This sentence discusses decisions only. As a reader, I'm wondering: do you not want to address the outcomes of your own "bad" decisions?) These are only two examples of multiple bad and good academic decisions I have made in my life.
Making the right decision is based on an opinion, because each decision has a different effect on one's life - whether your decision is good or bad depends on which path you would like to take in life. The only bad decisions are those that will affect one's life in a negative way or take you down the undesired path on your trail of life. Good decisions pave the way for your desired life, but bad or wrong decisions are setbacks or long detours on your trail of life. For example, breaking the law could be a setback, because you may earn charges on your personal record, or find yourself in a jail cell. This could have a major affect on finding jobs, and possibly harm other opportunities including reasonable insurance rates. For example, if you were to get in multiple accidents, violate traffic laws, or especially get a DUI, your insurance rates will sky rocket. All of these you may control with the decisions that you make, except for the accidents, if they are not your fault. You may prevent an accident from occurring by doing several things – do not use electronic devices, such as iPods or cell phones, and do not violate traffic laws for your own safety. One decision that is definitely in your control is the decision to drink alcohol, or use any stimulant or intoxicator. Use of these substances is the first unwise decision, and the second unwise decision would be to drive under the influence of these substances. A person that does this puts themselves, and more importantly, others at risk of danger when they do this. Besides, you could be pulled over, arrested, and charged with driving under the influence, also known as a DUI. (There's a lot going on here. Things connect, differ, and overlap. But, how does one connect to the next? How do they differ? How do they overlap? If these aspects were taken apart, it might be more clear as to the ways in which they come together.)
Hey Cole-
First off, wow! This version is so much more developed than the original (check out one compared to the next and see what I mean). Nice work! I'm seeing the points you've kept constant and have continued to expand upon as being: what defines a decision, what goes into a decision, examples of your decisions, examples of bad decisions. I've made a couple comments on those points for you to consider for your final. The thing I can't really speak to in these comments is where it is that they might be heading. What is it that readers are to take away from the piece? Why have you made all of these excellent points? What do you want to say? I always try to concentrate on these questions when working on final final versions. (I feel robbed in that you guys aren't posting those!) Good luck!
-Jeff
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Cole Maharry RIVISED FINAL FOR MS. LANGE (sorry for the formatting confusion - I copied and pasted from word)
Mr. Johnson & Ms. Lange
AP Lang
20 February 2012
The Power of a Decision
Our everyday lives are impacted by our decisions. Many dictionary sources relate to the definition of a decision as a judgment or making up of one's mind - a selection between possible choices or actions. Decisions are made on a daily basis by everyone. We are making small decisions by the second or possibly by the split second. Some of these decisions are ones that we don’t even think about, and they often pertain to our thoughts or movements. Blinking, placement our feet or hands, and any slight movement are small decisions that our brains simply make in response to a certain stimulant. I could not find the stats on decisions, but I can’t imagine how tough it would be to track this, as they occur extremely fast. All decisions shape the way we were, are, or who we will become, but the major decisions, the ones that we are always thinking about, are the decisions that have the largest effect on our lives. They are constant and never ending.
Similar to decisions are choices, because they are nearly the same concept. The terms decision and choice could mostly likely be used interchangeably without confusing anyone. A choice is known as selecting between two or more objects or possibilities. Making decisions involves choosing, but a decision is less broad than a choice. One difference between a choice and a decision is that a choice is a selection without much thought, but a decision is a final choice with the use of best judgment. Choices may also be perceived as the building blocks of a decision – the choices could be considered the different options or paths on a trail of life. In figure 1, right, is the trail of life. The arrows represent the options and choices the person can make in life in this part of their life (trail representing the person’s life). The person in the image is deciding which path to take in his life. The one path that he finally takes will be known as his decision. There is no
I asked a friend to define decision and what it meant to him. He defined decision as, "To do something or not do something, and choosing what is best for yourself". For asking him to wing-it on the definition, I agree with his idea of a decision. A decision that is ‘best for yourself’ is a good decision which one has made that has gotten them somewhere in life. In my life, I have made academic decisions, some good and some bad. A good academic decision which I have made is taking the challenging courses which I scheduled for myself in order to gain more knowledge in the field I would like to study in. I hope this will make easier on myself. Bad academic decisions that I have made would be using poor study habits, and procrastinating on projects and homework, such as this particular assignment of writing and revising an extended definition essay. If I were to have more quality study habits, I would score much higher on tests. If I were to not procrastinate, more assignments would be completed on time, and the quality of my work would increase immensely. These are only a few examples of many bad and good academic decisions I have made in my life.
Making the right decision is based on an opinion, because each decision has a different effect on one's life - whether your decision is good or bad depends on which path you would like to take in life. The only bad decisions are those that will affect one's life in a negative way or take you down the undesired path on your trail of life. Good decisions pave the way for your desired life, but bad or wrong decisions are setbacks or long detours on your trail of life.
A way of creating a detour in your life could be breaking the law, because you may earn charges on your personal record, or find yourself in a jail cell. This could have a major affect on finding jobs, and possibly harm other opportunities including reasonable insurance rates. For example, if you were to get in multiple accidents, violate traffic laws, or especially get a DUI, your insurance rates will sky rocket. All of these you may control with the decisions that you make, except for the accidents, if they are not your fault. You may prevent an accident from occurring by doing several things – do not use electronic devices, such as iPods or cell phones, and do not violate traffic laws for your own safety. The events that led up to a car accident that is not your fault as the driver could be an examples of a negation to a decision, because you did would not have control of the situation.
One decision that is definitely in your control is the decision to drink alcohol, or use any stimulant or intoxicator. Use of these substances is the first unwise decision, and the second unwise decision would be to drive under the influence of these substances. A person that does this puts themselves, and more importantly, others at risk of danger when they do this. Besides, you could be pulled over, arrested, and charged with driving under the influence, also known as a DUI.
I, as well as many others have made the poor mistake of driving faster than the speed limit. This is the only bad decision that I have been caught in the act and punished for by the law department. The never to forget moment is the sight of the officer’s lights in my rearview mirror – it must be one of the scariest moments of my life so far. In contrast to few people, I learned my lesson on the roads, which comes to show that being pulled over and ticketed has changed part of my life. I was extremely fortunate that this bad decision of mine did not affect my insurance rate as most tickets for speeding do.
Each bad or good, big or small decision has impacted our lives and shaped who we were, are, and will be in the near and far future. As you must know by now, I have made and will continue to make many decisions that have and will make me who I am. The writer of Decisions – the element that powers your Success says, “Anyone has the ability to take powerful decisions that can affect one’s life.” (http://www.insightzonecoach.com/blog/what-is-life-coaching/decisions-the-element-that-powers-your-success). What decisions have shaped your life? What would your life be like if you followed a different path of the trail?
Reflection #1 (posted RHS February 20 -- 171 February 22)
Hey Cole-
I made a couple comments on your reflection of the definition paper that might also give you something to reflect on when thinking about the comparison paper. I look forward to checking out the draft!
-Jeff
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Rough Draft Comparison (posted RHS February 24 -- 171 February 26 )
I apologize that I did not have gotten this done, and that it is still not done. I screwed up on the schedule last week, and have been extremely busy with substate basketball the past 3 days. This will be completed tonight. once again, I am sorry for messing with your schedule and the lack of communication.
Hey Cole-
"They" probably won't appreciate me saying this, but... no one gets it more than me that life gets in the way of life. I completely understand. No worries.
-Jeff
They probably don't, but that is okay. Thank you for understanding! There was no reason for it to not be done last night other than I forgot... haha I am sure I will pay the price anyhow.
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I am going to be honest, I have no idea what to do this comparison over... I was thinking bad decisions and good decisions, or should I go into something a little different? I did some of that in the definition paper. If I change my topic, I will want something that I will be able to tie into my argumentative paper. If you have any suggestions, please let me know!
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I am going to be honest, I have no idea what to do this comparison over... I was thinking bad decisions and good decisions, or should I go into something a little different? I did some of that in the definition paper. If I change my topic, I will want something that I will be able to tie into my argumentative paper. If you have any suggestions, please let me know! (Whoa!!! This is the most real-to-life introduction that I've ever read! The reader is presented with the "comparisons" of choices for two related decisions, but you've delivered it in such a way that it seems as though the reader is tracing a line of thought. And, I love the last line!!! Really cool stuff!!! Plus, I think it shows thinking that's the right sort of thinking here: forward thinking while still thinking about the past. You have me sitting at the edge of my readerly seat: In what way(s) does this all apply to "decisions"?)
Hey Cole-
As you may have judged from my above notes, I feel that your writing is at its best when it's unforced. What comes to you about your topic naturally? I find that it helps to randomly write, or even record into you phone, whatever that is. Then, what naturally comes to about what had naturally came to you about your topic? Get that down, too. Then, do these pieces add up? Perhaps some of them? Maybe one of them is good? I find that selecting an answer to these questions is also best done when based on whatever comes naturally. Also, in your definitions paper, I thought it was both creative and humble that you had mentioned among your examples of decisions, "this particular assignment of writing." Perhaps it would be interesting to explore: In what way(s) does this apply to "comparisons"? Just an idea...
-Jeff
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Revision Comparison (posted RHS March 2 -- 171 March 4)
The choices that people make daily are known as daily decisions. Sometimes these decisions are big or small, good or bad. Not only is it up to you to decide whether the decide whether the decision has a lot or a little value in your life, but it is also yours and sometimes other's opinions to decide whether a decision is a good or bad one. Good decisions suit your lifestyle and are decisions that make you happy. Bad decisions are those that have a negative altering to one's life - this could include getting in trouble, for example. Bad decisions and good decisions both affect one's life, and shape who they were, are, and will be.
Through one's academic history and future, there may be many bad decisions and good decisions, but the big ones are the decisions that have the most impact on a person. To be successful, it is important to be sure that all big decisions are good decisions and not bad decisions. Good academic decisions are started for a student at a very young age. These decisions are probably made mostly by the parents. These decisions could be reading to them or teaching them to read in the student's early childhood, or keeping the child disciplined, so they behave the best that they can in class. Behavior in the classroom is extremely important in order to become a great learner. The parents must also teach their children to take responsibility in their work, so when the student is in middle school (junior high) or high school they do not have poor responsibility habits. Once middle school rolls around, the student should start making their own academic decisions. They may start to decide how hard of a worker they want to be in class, what classes to take, whether or not to do their homework, and so on.
excuse me for my screw up. I editted and inserted this paragraph, but apparently it didn't save and was saved as a draft. So here it is.
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The choices that people make daily are known as daily decisions. Sometimes these decisions are big or small, good or bad. (Both big and small decision and good and bad decisions should allow for some interesting "comparisons.") Not only is it up to you to decide whether the decide whether the decision has a lot or a little value in your life (How do these values compare to one another? Are they completely unequal? Sometimes equal? Equal overall?), but it is also yours and sometimes other's opinions to decide whether a decision is a good or bad one. (How does a decision made by oneself compare to a decision made for one by someone else?) Good decisions suit your lifestyle and are decisions that make you happy. Bad decisions are those that have a negative altering to one's life - this could include getting in trouble, for example. (Yes, I see the comparison!) Bad decisions and good decisions both affect one's life, and shape who they were, are, and will be. (So, is that then three levels of comparison? Awesome! I can't wait to read what you do with this one!)
Hey Cole-
I see here what is sure to be an interesting paper. You've set up a number of comparisons of types of decisions (big v. small, good v. bad, free v. forced, and shapers of past v. present v. future), and still you suggest that these somehow also compare to one another (one's life is altered after getting in trouble, so is "big" and "bad," for instance). Cool! What examples would best represent the sorts of comparisons you've established? What makes them comparable? What other combined comparisons might arise in making decisions? What makes them comparable? Hope this helps!
-Jeff
P.S. I won't be in class on the 7th as I'll be on my way to present a paper in Hawai'i! I'll still be able to respond while I'm away, but I'll be on island time... Just so you know.
that is fine. It just means that I can go to the state basketball games that afternoon :-) thanks for letting me know.
have a great time in Hawaii and congrats on the paper! what an accomplishment!
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Final Comparison (posted RHS March 9 -- 171 March 11)
I appologize for not getting this done last night... I accidentally fell asleep early, and today I kind of ran out of time, because I had to be outside and soak up this great weather we had today in Des Moines! It is only supposed to get better too... but anyways, enjoy yourself in Hawaii, and I will get my other revision done tomorrow, so you are able to do it sunday night or whenever the time zone allows you to! thanks Jeff
-Cole
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The choices that people make daily are known as daily decisions. Sometimes these decisions are big or small, good or bad. Not only is it up to you to decide whether the decision has a lot or a little value in your life, but it is also yours and sometimes other's opinions to decide whether a decision is a good or bad one. Good decisions suit your lifestyle and are decisions that make you happy. Bad decisions are those that have a negative altering to one's life - this could include getting in trouble, for example. Bad decisions and good decisions both affect one's life, and shape who they were, are, and will be.
Through one's academic history and future, there may be many bad decisions and good decisions, but the big ones are the decisions that have the most impact on a person. To be successful, it is important to be sure that all big decisions are good decisions and not bad decisions. Good academic decisions are started for a student at a very young age. These decisions are probably made mostly by the parents. These decisions could be reading to them or teaching them to read in the student's early childhood, or keeping the child disciplined, so they behave the best that they can in class. Behavior in the classroom is extremely important in order to become a great learner. The parents must also teach their children to take responsibility in their work, so when the student is in middle school (junior high) or high school they do not have poor responsibility habits. Once middle school rolls around, the student should start making their own academic decisions. They may start to decide how hard of a worker they want to be in class, what classes to take, whether or not to do their homework, and so on.
In life, one may value objects, such as cars, houses, or money, but thinks that are really most important and valuable in life are people's ability to interact with others, and expressing great character. Succeeding in life is also highly looked upon. For many years, having great success has been known as leading the American Dream. This valuing system holds quite true when it comes to the way we value our decisions. It is not so much the decision of buying a certain car or house that is important later in life, although these are big decisions, but its the choices that form one's character that are valuable in life.
_
I appologize for not getting this done last night... I accidentally fell asleep early, and today I kind of ran out of time, because I had to be outside and soak up this great weather we had today in Des Moines! It is only supposed to get better too... but anyways, enjoy yourself in Hawaii, and I will get my other revision done tomorrow, so you are able to do it sunday night or whenever the time zone allows you to! thanks Jeff
-Cole
(Thanks. Hawai’i was awesome! However, it was difficult to find reliable and/or free internet there [I ended up having to walk all the way down to a Starbucks to send/reply to my most important emails]. So sorry that I’m getting back to you days late. It’s unfair of me to put you to the last minute on your final final version of your comparisons project. Please have your teacher(s) send me a message if they need me to confirm that I’d messed with your schedule, or if they have any questions. Again, my apologies.)
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The choices that people make daily are known as daily decisions. (I get what you’re saying here [cuz I got to read your definitions paper]. But, I’m not sure readers would see that there was a difference between daily choices and daily decisions. What does this mean in your comparison of decisions?) Sometimes these decisions are big or small, good or bad. Not only is it up to you to decide whether the decision has a lot or a little value in your life, but it is also yours and sometimes other's opinions to decide whether a decision is a good or bad one.(This sentence really sets up your paper well…) Good decisions suit your lifestyle and are decisions that make you happy. Bad decisions are those that have a negative altering to one's life - this could include getting in trouble, for example. Bad decisions and good decisions both affect one's life, and shape who they were, are, and will be.(…And so does this sentence. Your intro lets me know what I’ll need to know in order to learn what I’m about to learn. However,…)
Through one's academic history and future, there may be many bad decisions and good decisions, but the big ones are the decisions that have the most impact on a person. To be successful, it is important to be sure that all big decisions are good decisions and not bad decisions. (…since your paper focuses primarily on big, good, academic decisions, consider working some of the talk about academics from these two sentences into your intro.) Good academic decisions are started for a student at a very young age. These decisions are probably made mostly by the parents. These decisions could be reading to them or teaching them to read in the student's early childhood, or keeping the child disciplined, so they behave the best that they can in class. Behavior in the classroom is extremely important in order to become a great learner. (Which classroom behaviors make a student a great learner? Are there classroom behaviors that take away from a student’s ability to learn/quality of learning?) The parents must also teach their children to take responsibility in their work, so when the student is in middle school (junior high) or high school they do not have poor responsibility habits. Once middle school rolls around, the student should start making their own academic decisions. They may start to decide how hard of a worker they want to be in class (What would make a student a hard worker? A not-so-hard worker?), what classes to take (Does this refer to easy vs. hard classes? Fun vs. applicable? How do different classes compare? How does decisions about classes make them good or bad decisions?), whether or not to do their homework, and so on. (So, what types/weights of decisions does the student face in high school? College? Also, is this process a continual one? Is there a point at which the student makes all their own academic decisions? Or, is there a point at which the student is maxed on their ability to make their own academic decisions? You have me very interested to know!)
In life, one may value objects, such as cars, houses, or money, but thinks that are really most important and valuable in life are people's ability to interact with others, and expressing great character. Succeeding in life is also highly looked upon. For many years, having great success has been known as leading the American Dream. This valuing system holds quite true when it comes to the way we value our decisions. (Do these material, personal interaction, and personal character decisions follow from the decisions made as a student? In what ways? What makes them follow from those ways?) It is not so much the decision of buying a certain car or house that is important later in life, although these are big decisions, but its the choices that form one's character that are valuable in life.
Hey, Cole-
After reading your revision, I’m understanding that there’s a progression and importance to the academic decision making process. Your examples of parents making reading and responsibility decisions that lead to the sorts of decisions the student will make somewhat later, later, and much later in life really help me to come to that understanding. The more detailed you can make your examples, and the more of them that are present in your paper, the stronger your paper will become. But while these examples seem to sway toward positive outcomes (great learner, fancy objects, great character, success, the American Dream), I wonder, how would you compare these examples to ones that would produce more negative results? If the similarities lie in the types of decisions a student/person will face, what are the differences in the outcomes when the student/person makes those decisions? I feel like this is the main point of your paper, but it’s subtle. Unless I’m way off, you might consider for your final final version of the comparisons project: How can you make your point explicit? Additionally, what is the purpose of your point? Why do students/people/readers need to know about how comparing decisions means something to them? How is it that students/people/readers should go about comparing decisions in their own lives? I hope some of this helps. Good luck on the final final.
-Jeff
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Cole Maharry REVISED FINAL FOR MS. LANGE
Johnson/Lange
AP Language and Composition
13 April 2012
The Good and the Bad
The choices that people make daily are known as daily decisions. Sometimes these decisions are big or small, good or bad. Not only is it up to one to decide whether the decision has a lot or a little value in their life, but it is also their, and sometimes other's, opinions to decide whether a decision is a good or bad one. Good decisions suit one’s lifestyle and are decisions that make them happy. Bad decisions are those that have a negative altering to one's life - this could include getting in trouble, for example. Bad decisions and good decisions both affect one's life, and shape who they were, are, and will be.
Through one's academic history and future, there may be many bad decisions and good decisions, but the big ones are the decisions that have the most impact on a person. To be successful, it is important to be sure that all big decisions are good decisions and not bad decisions. Good academic decisions are started for a student at a very young age. These decisions are probably made mostly by the parents. These decisions could be reading to them or teaching them to read in the student's early childhood, or keeping the child disciplined, so they behave the best that they can in class. Behavior in the classroom is extremely important in order to become a great learner. The parents must also teach their children to take responsibility in their work, so when the student is in middle school (junior high) or high school they do not have poor responsibility habits. Once middle school rolls around, the student should start making their own academic decisions. They may start to decide how hard of a worker they want to be in class, what classes to take, whether or not to do their homework, and so on.
Parents want what is best for their children and family. Hoping their children get the best education possible, and have great behavior, many parents hover over their children making sure they do everything correctly without messing up. Making mistakes trains people to do the right thing next time and learn from mistakes, correct? A parent that hovers called “helicopter parents”, and they are actually destroying a child’s potential to developing well-rounded personality characteristics, such as responsibility. Although children certainly need guidance in their life, letting a child suffer a bit may be tough as a parent, but this is how a child develops into a great person, learning how to make good decisions from their bad ones. In the end, the goal of the parent is to raise a decent kid, and to carry on the family’s name with pride instead of shame. Once a parent decides to step back, allow their child struggle and learn things on their, this may be the developing key to future’s pursuit of happiness for both the parents and child.
In life, one may value objects, such as cars, houses, or money, but thinks that are really most important and valuable in life are people's ability to interact with others, and expressing great character. Succeeding in life is also highly looked upon. For many years, having great success has been known as leading the American Dream. This valuing system holds quite true when it comes to the way we value our decisions. It is not so much the decision of buying a certain car or house that is important later in life, although these are big decisions, but it’s the choices that form one's character that are valuable in life.
Most likely, people do not have to be told the breakdown of bad and good decisions, but in a nutshell, bad and good decisions work off of each other. It is human for people to make bad decisions and make mistakes. To be the best person one can be and for them to lead their life without holding any regrets in the future, they must make the bad decisions the small, insignificant ones. Also, to be as successful as possible, the big decisions must be good and well thought out. Making just one bad decision with high significance could throw someone in a jail cell, for who knows how much time, as fast as one can blink an eye. But good decisions of high significance can do blessings for one’s life, and pave the way for a joyful, successful life.
Reflection #2 (RHS March 16 -- 171 March 25)
- What was the purpose of the writing? How successfully did you meet this purpose?
The purpose of the writing was to make a relation between to different things through comparison and contrast. I believe I the similarities and differences be known.(I agree. The differences between good and bad may seem obvious, but you've made known to your reader that the differences are more complicated than they seem, and then made clear to your reader what the differences actually are.)
- Who was your intended audience? How did you adapt your writing to appeal to this audience?
My audience was the everyday person - one that makes many decisions in life. I made it so they could relate to the subjects.(Yes! Most everyone will go through these various life stages of decision making.)
- Explain the exigence that influenced the selection of your topic.
finding a way how to wage success through the bad and good decisions in life.(Did writing about it help you to find a way? I'm curious...)
- How does your writing draw attention to the key aspects of your message?
all of my examples and reasoning ties into the overall message.(And, the way that your writing is from a relatable perspective helps to convey that your message applies to your reader, personally.)
- In what ways did you create tone to reflect your persona?
I put myself into the reader's shoes which helped me write the essay in the best way to get the point to the reader.(This really comes across in your final final paper [thanks for posting that!]. Your tone seems honest, like your points are something you've reflected upon yourself, or even that you are reflecting upon as the reader is reading them.)
Rough Draft Argument (posted RHS April 6 -- 171 April 8)
note: There is nothing I can argue between bad and good decisions that would be very interesting to readers. But I could write about something pertaining to decisions, such as the story in the newspaper earlier this week. There was a story about a few students who broke into someones house while they were vacationing and used it as a party pad during spring break for a few days. There were extreme comments stating how these kids should be inprisoned for many many years and other kinds of stuff that I would have to look further into. Would it be appropriate if I were to write an argument against those who believe the consequences should be as severe as practically taking these kids lives away from them? I could include things such as the unknown behind the scenes details (i.e - if the home owners have children, they could have been involved saying they could use the house or even told them they were going to be gone). Also in this essay I will argue why it is such a terrible idea to use someones house for a party because of the risk of facing the charges, and damaging property.
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note: There is nothing I can argue between bad and good decisions that would be very interesting to readers. (It might be interesting, but I agree that this doesn't seem to be the direction your argument is headed. Could you craft the paper so that you don't directly discuss good and bad, but so that your reader is left to think about them?) But I could write about something pertaining to decisions, such as the story in the newspaper earlier this week. There was a story about a few students who broke into someones house while they were vacationing and used it as a party pad during spring break for a few days. (I didn't hear about this. I think it's cool that you're taking something that's been around as long as humans [right and wrong], and applying it to something that's going on in the local community today. I expect that this will have a double-relatability effect on your reader. Plus, you've just plain got me interested!) There were extreme comments stating how these kids should be inprisoned for many many years and other kinds of stuff that I would have to look further into. Would it be appropriate if I were to write an argument against those who believe the consequences should be as severe as practically taking these kids lives away from them? I could include things such as the unknown behind the scenes details (i.e - if the home owners have children, they could have been involved saying they could use the house or even told them they were going to be gone). (Will you be able to access these sorts of behind the scenes details? What if those details are contrary to your argument? Perhaps you could argue both for and against the people who believe the kids should be locked up?) Also in this essay I will argue why it is such a terrible idea to use someones house for a party because of the risk of facing the charges, and damaging property. (Again, it might be interesting to argue both why kids would and shouldn't do things of this nature.)
Hey Cole-
You've got a really cool idea going here: people make decisions, and other people make decisions about those people. The one thing I see that might happen is that readers tend to take one side or the other. And/or, if you take one side or the other, readers will tend to either agree or disagree with you. Your paper might benefit the debate if you complicate the issue for your reader. How can this paper allow your reader to take a stance, but then make them defend it? If they have an initial defense, how can this paper break down that defense? If they have another defense, how can this paper break down that other defense? Basically, the more angles you cover, and the less direct argument your paper contains, the more convincing it'll be. I know this sounds complicated, but, then again, so are readers...
Revision Argument (posted RHS April 13 -- 171 April 15)
http://www.desmoinesregister.com/article/20120404/NEWS/304040048/Underage-drinking-party-tab-comes-10-000-police-say
Today, many teens are making poor decisions, often relating to drugs or alcohol. In the article, Mary Stegmeir outlines a story of two teenage boys, David Dreller and Andrew Noble of Dowling Catholic High School, who broke into a house during spring break in March and threw parties in the house for several days (until they were caught by the police). The house belonged to the Eastman's, and they were gone for a spring break vacation. These two 17 year old boys also had the 'brilliant' idea of driving the homeowner's vehicle. During these three days at the spring break party pad, $10,000 worth of damage was caused to the house. It is clear that these two boys made several terrible decisions along the way during these few days, including entering the house on several occasions, allowing many other kids in the house to party, using marijuana and drinking alcohol, and driving the homeowner's vehicle even though the report says they were not intoxicated. How extreme should the punishment be?
The comments by viewers varied greatly. Some people thought these kids must be locked up for a lot of time, but some people were more defensive, claimign this is a case of lack of parenting, or an alcohol/drug issue that must see therapy. A few people claimed there must be more to the story, which is where I stand on the situation. The story must absolutely be incomplete, there must be more to what happened. After research, this is absolutely the case, in defense of David Dreller and Andrew Noble. There are many decisions being made in a case like this.
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Today, many teens are making poor decisions, often relating to drugs or alcohol. In the article, Mary Stegmeir outlines a story of two teenage boys, David Dreller and Andrew Noble of Dowling Catholic High School, who broke into a house during spring break in March and threw parties in the house for several days (until they were caught by the police). (How did they end up getting busted?) The house belonged to the Eastman's, and they were gone for a spring break vacation. These two 17 year old boys also had the 'brilliant' idea of driving the homeowner's vehicle. During these three days at the spring break party pad, $10,000 worth of damage was caused to the house. It is clear that these two boys made several terrible decisions along the way during these few days, including entering the house on several occasions, allowing (strange that they would be allowing others to do things when they weren't allowed to do the things they were doing...) many other kids in the house to party, using marijuana and drinking alcohol, and driving the homeowner's vehicle even though the report says they were not intoxicated. How extreme should the punishment be? (So, decide on Dreller and Noble's decisions? Interesting!)
The comments by viewers varied greatly. Some people thought these kids must be locked up for a lot of time, but some people were more defensive, claimign this is a case of lack of parenting, or an alcohol/drug issue that must see therapy. A few people claimed there must be more to the story, which is where I stand on the situation. (I like that you've made it clear where you stand on the situation. I also like that you've positioned your stance so that you can now go on to explain it in detail, while at the same time explaining what the "more to the story" actually is. Great strategy!) The story must absolutely be incomplete, there must be more to what happened. After research, this is absolutely the case, in defense of David Dreller and Andrew Noble. There are many decisions being made in a case like this. (Indeed!)
Hey Cole-
I see your main points to be about decisions of action and decisions of punishment. You have here a number of areas from which you can explore these points: the kids' decisions, other people's decisions, your own decisions. It will be interesting to discover how they all weigh up to one another!
Final Argument (posted RHS April 20 -- 171 April 23
Punishment Limits
http://www.desmoinesregister.com/article/20120404/NEWS/304040048/Underage-drinking-party-tab-comes-10-000-police-say
Today, many teens are making poor decisions, often relating to drugs or alcohol. In the article, Mary Stegmeir outlines a story of two teenage boys, David Dreller and Andrew Noble of Dowling Catholic High School, who broke into a house during spring break in March and threw parties in the house for several days (until they were caught by the police). The house belonged to the Eastman's, and they were gone for a spring break vacation. These two 17 year old boys also had the 'brilliant' idea of driving the homeowner's vehicle. During these three days at the spring break party pad, $10,000 worth of damage was caused to the house. It is clear that these two boys made several terrible decisions along the way during these few days, including entering the house on several occasions, allowing many other kids in the house to party, using marijuana and drinking alcohol, and driving the homeowner's vehicle even though the report says they were not intoxicated. How extreme should the punishment be?
The comments by viewers varied greatly. Some people thought these kids must be locked up for a lot of time, but some people were more defensive, claiming this is a case of lack of parenting, or an alcohol/drug issue that must see therapy. A few people claimed there must be more to the story, which is where I stand on the situation. The story must be incomplete, and there must be involvement of other’s decisions in the situation. After research, this is absolutely the case, in defense of David Dreller and Andrew Noble. There were many decisions made in this situation, but the biggest decision was the first decision. The first is the decision made by Noble and Dreller to enter the home. Many of the decisions following the first were made by these two boys along with other teens throughout the course of the three nights at the "party pad.” Yes, these boys made some terrible choices during spring break, but many adults can probably think back and remember times during their teen years when they also made some unwise choices that could potentially get them into trouble with the law enforcement. What must have given Dreller and Noble the idea to throw a party at the Eastman’s home? Could it have been the Eastman’s 17 year old son giving them permission to and admission to use the house? If the son were to give permission to Noble and Dreller, this would definitely alter the case - the judge must make a decision as to whether these boys receive as much punishment, less punishment, or any punishment at all for using the Eastman’s home.
There are other factors that also play into the case, such as use or possession of alcohol and marijuana. These alcohol and drug charges may be removed for youths, in certain situations, through rehab programs or community service.
The damage accumulated by the home was tremendous. In the viewer’s eyes of Stegmeir’s article, this might come across as violence out of Noble and Dreller while intoxicated. What the readers do not know is that this is in fact something very different. From a private source, I learned that a few kids came into the party with baseball bats and intentionally destroyed part of the interior of the house. How does a judge charge kids innocent of the damage, but responsible of hosting the parties? Technically speaking, all of the people in attendance of the parties were trespassers of the Eastman’s private property and invaded the home, so why hold all charges to these two boys although they were clearly the ring leaders of the crime.
As an adult, put yourself or your child’s self into the shoes of David Dreller or Andrew Noble. Now how do you believe the boys should be punished? Anyone that believes these boys should be prosecuted for any significant amount of years must step back and peek deeper into the situation, including taking a look at all of the factors, many of which were not mentioned. Some ponder why the cops were not notified during these three nights, as it was obvious that under aged people were walking up with alcoholic beverages were in hand. Some believe that lack of care and supervision from the parents of these boys is an issue, and there are even several that believe the drinking age should be lowered, so teens do not do things such as party in an abandoned house or on the side of the river just to “have some fun.” It is believed that partying in secrecy at illegal locations is more dangerous, as there is more drinking and driving, and other illegal and dangerous factors at risk. Where do you stand for the punishment of David Dreller and Andrew Noble? Would rehab and community service resolve the boys’ alcoholic issues?
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Punishment Limits
http://www.desmoinesregister.com/article/20120404/NEWS/304040048/Underage-drinking-party-tab-comes-10-000-police-say
Today, many teens are making poor decisions, often relating to drugs or alcohol. In the article (What's the name of the article? Where did the article appear?), Mary Stegmeir outlines a story of two teenage boys, David Dreller and Andrew Noble of Dowling Catholic High School, who broke into a house during spring break in March and threw parties in the house for several days (until they were caught by the police). The house belonged to the Eastman's, and they were gone for a spring break vacation. These two 17 year old boys also had the 'brilliant' idea of driving the homeowner's vehicle. During these three days at the spring break party pad, $10,000 worth of damage was caused to the house. It is clear that these two boys made several terrible decisions along the way during these few days, including entering the house on several occasions, allowing many other kids in the house to party, using marijuana and drinking alcohol, and driving the homeowner's vehicle even though the report says they were not intoxicated. How extreme should the punishment be? (Based on the news article? Based on the charges against them? What exactly are the charges against them?)
The comments by viewers (Are they readers or viewers? Or, is the written article about what viewers of the TV airing of the story said?) varied greatly. Some people thought these kids must be locked up for a lot of time, but some people were more defensive, claiming this is a case of lack of parenting, or an alcohol/drug issue that must see therapy. A few people claimed there must be more to the story, which is where I stand on the situation. The story must be incomplete, and there must be involvement of other’s decisions in the situation. After research, this is absolutely the case, in defense of David Dreller and Andrew Noble. There were many decisions made in this situation, but the biggest decision was the first decision. The first is the decision made by Noble and Dreller to enter the home. Many of the decisions following the first were made by these two boys along with other teens throughout the course of the three nights at the "party pad.” [[Yes, these boys made some terrible choices during spring break, but many adults can probably think back and remember times during their teen years when they also made some unwise choices that could potentially get them into trouble with the law enforcement.]]<==(This sentence confuses me. How do the memories of adults connect to your claim that there is more to the story?) What must have given Dreller and Noble the idea to throw a party at the Eastman’s home? Could it have been the Eastman’s 17 year old son giving them permission to and admission to use the house? If the son were to give permission to Noble and Dreller, this would definitely alter the case - the judge must make a decision as to whether these boys receive as much punishment, less punishment, or any punishment at all for using the Eastman’s home. (Is this part about the Eastman's son speculation by the viewers? Is there evidence of this? You'll want to be clear where your claims are coming from.)
There are other factors that also play into the case, such as use or possession of alcohol and marijuana. These alcohol and drug charges may be removed for youths, in certain situations, through rehab programs or community service.
The damage accumulated by the home was tremendous. (Do you have examples of the types of damage [other than that caused from the baseball bats]? Because...) In the viewer’s eyes of Stegmeir’s article, this might come across as violence (...why would the damage to the house come across as violent?) out of Noble and Dreller while intoxicated. What the readers do not know is that this is in fact something very different. From a private source, I learned that a few kids came into the party with baseball bats and intentionally destroyed part of the interior of the house. (This is huge! Great research! The info about other kids with the baseball bats really makes you next point both legitimate and strong.) How does a judge charge kids innocent of the damage, but responsible of hosting the parties? Technically speaking, all of the people in attendance of the parties were trespassers of the Eastman’s private property and invaded the home, so why hold all charges to these two boys
(EXCELLENT POINT!) although they were clearly the ring leaders of the crime. (I appreciate the counter point at the end, that the boys were the ring leaders. But, you made such a strong progression of argumentation up to that point that you don't want to take away from your argument with some off comment. Perhaps, there's a better place in your paper to make the point about them being ring leaders?)
As an adult, put yourself or your child’s self into the shoes of David Dreller or Andrew Noble. Now how do you believe the boys should be punished? Anyone that believes these boys should be prosecuted for any significant amount of years must step back and peek deeper into the situation (Have you explained this thoroughly in your argument? How might the reader see deeper into the case?), including taking a look at all of the factors, many of which were not mentioned. Some ponder why the cops were not notified during these three nights, as it was obvious (to whom?) that under aged people were walking up with alcoholic beverages were in hand. Some believe that lack of care and supervision from the parents of these boys is an issue (Have you explained this thoroughly in your argument? How are other people factors in the case?), and there are even several that believe the drinking age should be lowered, so teens do not do things such as party in an abandoned house or on the side of the river just to “have some fun.” It is believed that partying in secrecy at illegal locations is more dangerous, as there is more drinking and driving, and other illegal and dangerous factors at risk (Have you explained this thoroughly in your argument? How are current times factors in the case?). Where do you stand for the punishment of David Dreller and Andrew Noble?<==(I'd recommend that you leave your reader with this question. It really has an effect on what you've presented to this point. When I got to this question, I felt like it was my turn to start talking in a conversation that would pop up in everyday life.) Would rehab and community service resolve the boys’ alcoholic issues?
Hey Cole-
You mention alcohol in a couple different places and manners, but it feels scattered in the piece. Are you saying that alcohol is a factor in itself? I can't tell. Anyway, I've made some comments throughout, but I think the biggest help may come from my questions in the last paragraph. These seem to me to be the points that make your most substantial and strongest arguments. I think that as long as you feel the body of your paper provides evidence for and reasons well through each of your individual arguments, your overall argument will both strong and sound.
Reflection #3 (posted RHS April 23)
- What was the purpose of the writing? How successfully did you meet this purpose?
To learn to develop an argument with claims and counter claims and support it with reason and evidence. I think my claims could use some work and my reason/evidence may be stengthened.- Who was your intended audience? How did you adapt your writing to appeal to this audience?
My audience was people that agreed with the comments on the article. I gave them reasoning as to why they should not agree with particular statements.- Explain the exigence that influenced the selection of your topic.
My previous writings were based on bad decisions and good decisions, and after reading this article, I believed that I could relate decision making into this essay. After reading the comments, I realized that it would be easiest to write arguments against viewer's opinions.- How does your writing draw attention to the key aspects of your message?
I gave a brief synopsis of the interesting story, then had the readers put themselves into the boy's position if they thought the boys should serve a major sentence for the crime.- In what ways did you create tone to reflect your persona?
I created a defensive tone, by not saying that what the boys did was 'ok' but that they should not be punished to the extent that viewers believed they should.